Honesty

According to World Net Daily news:
A new survey shows the average person tells four lies a day, or 1,460 a year for a total of 88,000 by the age of 60, and the most common is: “I’m fine.”
Others on the list include:
“Nice to see you”
“Sorry I missed your call”
“I’m stuck in traffic”
“Our server was down”
“The train was delayed”
“The check’s in the mail”
“I’ll call you back in a minute”
“This tastes delicious”
and sadly “Of course I love you”
(http://www.akatoo.com/question.html?question_id=654226)

Twice, that I can remember, being honest in this relationship has bitten me. Once, it nearly ended the relationship. This time I think we’ll be ok. Rephrase: We will be ok if his mate does not blow a gasket and, with this truth, it is quite possible that she will.

So why then? Why is it that I will not lie? It is not even about the content. Most people lie about things that would be hurtful. This truth was a wonderful thing to say to someone and it was just as damaging. I am beginning to wonder what exactly is going on here.

After the first incident I took a long hard look at honesty. When it happened I was furious and devastated that doing the right thing had brought the thing I need most to an end. I could not understand how being an ethical person had gone so horribly wrong. When we worked it out, I had a long period of time when I was excruciatingly careful about what I said. I was terrified something was going to come out of left field and threaten our relationship again.

So here we are. My filters, almost non-existent with Him now anyway, were completely absent due to lack of sleep. I was not careful about my response, as I had been yesterday on the same topic. I was unable to dance as gracefully. He asked and I blurted out the unabridged truth. (Though to be fair, he did ask in a format that was not avoidable.) I should have known when the question was repeated with shock and disbelief not once, but twice, that something was off. I did not understand that such a beautiful thing could be bad, especially when it was not particularly surprising. We both knew. We had both known for quite a while. After our meet-up how could there have been any doubt?

It was not an unknown yet, giving it voice, naming it, gave it power somehow. We are the same people. We have the same feelings for each other. Nothing has changed and everything has changed – that statement makes zero sense but is no less true for its lack of logic.

We have overcome so much to get to where we are now. I have to believe that we will get through this too. If not, I will be destroyed. I will become one of those “four a day” people.

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Honesty

      • You do seem much more in control of yourself in your other posts, but I suspect that with your position it is a requirement to learn that. My temper has been known to turn my silver tongue to steel also. I try to control that, but it is a challenge.

Please offer your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s