Shift

You are shifting the dynamic of our relationship. I noticed this yesterday, perhaps because you are being less subtle about it. As we move toward play you are moving the slider from best friend to Master.

Wednesday, you snapped at me about my use of the word “understand”. (I really am working on that.) Yesterday you spent a fair amount of time talking about play and expectations repeating my favorite “understand me?” seemingly a million times, ratcheting up my arousal with each repetition. You called me on Topping from the bottom. A call I’m still not sure I agree with but I did/do see your point. At one point I used a clever response that, last week, would have earned a chuckle and this week earned the comment “bratty behavior” instead.

I do not understand my reaction to these things. How can I simultaneously be hurt/upset at being chastised and be aroused by it? It is not logical. Am I wired differently than other people? Do all submissives feel this way or is there something wrong with me?

I am giddy with excitement knowing that I finally have someone who will not let me get away with a single thing. I have in the past tested my Dom to see if he will be consistent in discipline and expectations. I do not feel the need to do that with you. In fact, the very idea of it has me fearful of the repercussions. I have a strong feeling that you don’t miss a trick. Any remnant of the idea I had to test evaporated  when you began speaking emphatically about punishable behaviors and your belt. I no longer see myself testing you “just to see what will happen”. Any failures on my part will be entirely unpremeditated.

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