Leather and bondage and hoods oh my!

(I’m going to process this as I write. I’m not sure how much sense I’ll be making, though I will do my best.)

Alright, so this is not the journal entry I wrote this morning – That one was an off the top of my head hey-I’ve-been-thinking-about-this entry. It can wait. On the other hand this business of bondage stamina and constant hooding … I was left drenched and hanging. We both were. Well, you probably weren’t drenched but you know what I mean. I need to get this out or I’ll be up all night. (Yes, yes, I know. I’ll be up all night anyway. Hardly the point.)

I would be as tightly bound as humanly possible as often, and for as long as, you would like. There is nothing about immobility that I don’t need/want/desire. (As blatantly displayed by my reaction to your suggestion.) The barest idea of it and I’m rendered nearly incapable of cogent thought much less coherent expression of ideas.

Regarding the SD hood: I have become fixated on it. I need it. I need it irrationally hard. I dream about it often. The idea of being hooded from the moment I walk through the door until just before I leave, however, is disturbing. I have a fear that if I am hooded 100 percent of the time it will make who I am, and my experience level, fade into the background.

I know hoods allow you to objectify me. I love that. I want to be a faceless toy for you. I understand this is part of what you need and, I expect I may enjoy it as well. I am uncomfortable – and that word isn’t really a good fit but it’s what I’m rolling with for now – with the idea of being an object all the time. We are so often faceless text in a box or a disembodied voice on the phone, I don’t know how I feel about being that way when we have the opportunity to be in the same physical space.

I also keep going back to breathing. I’m rather attached to the activity of drawing breath. I recall that I was able to believe there was plenty of air available to me when hooded, except when I was staving off panic. I kept things at a manageable level pretty well. I had developed a rhythm and coping mechanisms. I enjoyed myself and want so much to be back at it. I also know I accomplished these things with my full concentration unbroken by anything in my environment.

How I will react to any stimuli on top of being bound and hooded is an unknown. Let’s not forget – the things you are talking about doing to me while I’m hooded and bound are not just any stimuli. I hear you thinking Oh she’s backing off and I want to be clear that I’m not. Not at all. I want to handle everything you feel like throwing at me. My caveat is that, because our first play was so successful, we may both forget how new I am. There are many more unknowns than knowns. I fervently want to believe that I will be just fine. That I will soldier on and push through as I did in our previous playtime but we have no way of knowing.

I need to be pushed. I would almost say shoved, almost. I need difficult. I desire success.

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4 thoughts on “Leather and bondage and hoods oh my!

  1. Hi….Great post…first I’d say many times when i experience a first it ignites a fire and i crave it again and again…Similar to a sub frenzy as it feeds my soul….I think if we experience anything 100% of the time we could get lost in it…I think with any extreme act or edge play the more you do it the less extreme it gets, your body adjusts to the sensation and therefore less satisfying…but maybe more comforting….

    I crave the hood as it calms me and leaves me free to focus on breathing and enduring the hanging or flogging…Often when he removes the hood and although I’m hot and ready for fresh air i do wish he would put it back on and just leave me for a bit….

    Your not alone in your craving, i crave and dream of being bound, chained, hooded, cuffed or caged 24-7….It’s hard to stop the want at times…

    • Yes, yes, and yes Pretty Primal.

      Thank you for confirming that I am not alone in my cravings.

      This blog has caused conflict for the “characters” involved on more than one occasion. For that reason I waffle back and forth about continuing it. Then I get a comment like yours or Kayla’s and I feel less like a freak and so much less alone in who I am.

      Selfishly, it is for this reason I continue with it. Thank you, Pretty Primal.

      Thanks to all of my other commentors / likers / followers. You all make it worth the effort.

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