I was due to meet the munch group at eight. I had studied the map at home and found a way to shave a good 20 minutes off my drive. This combined with my GPS prompts and having a printed map prevented me from getting lost. I was early. Very early.
I called R anyway, because that was the plan. They were lost and late. I consulted my map and helped them as best I could. I called DH to tell him I had arrived safely. He told me to have fun. I called you and got your voice mail. It was just as well. Any last minute reassurance would have had me crying. With all the extra makeup I was wearing I would have had Tranny Tears before I even walked through the door.
I sat in the car waiting. I don’t know what for. I was so nervous there wasn’t a single drop of saliva in my mouth. My knees were shaky. I was thinking I’d better man-up because shaky knees and four inch heels were not a good combination. Still I sat listening to the engine tick as it cooled. I leaned my head back against the seat and breathed for a while. I thought of you and the commitment I had made to you that I would do this.
It was about a block to the venue from where I had parked. I had only been walking a moment or two before I heard a car horn and comment about my appearance. I picked up my pace a bit not wanting to have to deal with any more of that. About half a block from the entrance, I could see the doorway of the venue. I could see a man standing there, watching me. I went through the whole What the hell is he looking at? Then looking behind me. Then avoiding looking at him. Then glancing to see if he was still looking. He did not take his eyes off me the entire time I was approaching the venue. I wanted desperately to avoid him but he was directly in front of the doorway. As I walked the last few feet he stepped out of my way, still not looking away from me I’m sorry for staring. You’re very pretty. I couldn’t stop staring. He stammered this in my direction. I gave him a sheepish smile, said nothing, and went inside.
The bartender looked at me in exasperation. I said Are you open? With a heavy sigh he replied Not really but come on in. You upstairs people always get here so early. I ordered a diet coke and tipped him generously for his trouble. Sometime later R called seeking further directions. I had left my map in the car and was less than helpful. They were twenty minutes late.
A female employee came in and did a double take when she saw me. She came over and Introduced herself Hi I’m Penelope. You look beautiful! You look comfortable, too. Where did you get those pants? I told her I earned them. She asked me if I had been a good girl and went off to start her shift. She called over her shoulder that she would see me upstairs.
The munch group finally arrived. They fawned over me. We chatted about their contact cards and google phone numbers. A second batch from the munch arrived a short time later. At nine we all went upstairs.
There were already a handful of people. It was quite dark. C introduced me to the people at the door and showed all of us around the venue. The play stations, the after-care area, the bar. I felt awkward and uncertain. There were a few more introductions. I heard you in my head telling me to find out about DMs. I asked C. He went to check and came back to inform me that the DMs were to be himself and another, John, whom he also introduced me to.
A few minutes later, C, R and J told me that C and R were going to play before things filled up. They invited me over to the area. I went over as C unpacked his toys. He handed a few of them to me. He had a couple that were custom, engraved with mathematical formulas. C negotiated with J. R went to the ladies room. I stood alone on the outskirts of the play area not knowing what else to do.
R returned and I stood with her, saying nothing. C then came over and began negotiations with R. I respectfully moved back a few steps not wishing to intrude. C asked R if she minded if I listened, he said he thought it would be educational. She said I was a trusted friend and of course I could listen. I listened to them negotiate feeling like I was out of place. I missed a good bit of what was said. The music was very loud. R was not herself. She was quiet, withdrawn and acutely uncomfortable. Her body language screamed nervousness.
They decided it was time to begin and I took R’s purse. I carefully folded her skirt and blouse as she removed them. I placed her things on the floor by the bench she was on and I moved away. I went to stand by J to watch. As the scene progressed I became concerned for R. I felt like I was with her. I tensed with each impact. I had to look away more than once. At some point, C moved to take off R’s shoes. He was having difficulty with the zipper closures and looked to me for help. I walked into their space, removed her shoes and placed them with her clothes. I then stepped back to watch.
When they were finished, I retrieved R’s belongings while C and J got her up and walking (as best she could) to the aftercare area. She sat down and C gave her a bottle of water and hand fed her pieces of chocolate. R took my hand for a bit and I stood there feeling useless. I didn’t say much of anything. R was really out of it. She said repeatedly that it was amazing and that she was flying. A blanket showed up from somewhere and R was wrapped up. I really wanted to go to the bar to get something to drink but I didn’t feel like I could leave. I waited a bit longer until R was forming sentences. I then excused myself to go to the bar for a diet coke leaving R in the care of J and C.
When I came back R was more herself. I stood with the group quietly, feeling out of place. When R got dressed, I wandered off to watch a rigger in the play area.