Not all of the world is a stage

Something you said yesterday is sticking in my ethics.

Everything I do with You, in word and deed, is completely genuine. You are the only person in my life I can say that about. I shade nothing before presenting it to You. It may take a few moments for me to rip off the bandage and show You the festering wound, but rip it off I do.

It disturbs me greatly that You take my performance background into account when assessing my behaviors. Acting is a form of lying, of making someone believe a thing that is not real. I have never been, nor will I ever be, anything other than completely honest with You. Ever. For any reason. There have been many times that I have wanted to. That is not who I am with You. I stand before You stripped bare. Either You will love me this way or You will not. I won’t have You loving some facsimile of me formed of only the parts I think You will like. I am not a chameleon. The person You met on day one is the person I am today. Yes, I have changed as everyone does but the changes are real, not calculated fiction.

This idea that I would have the capacity to pretend I’m not hurting when You are inflicting pain or conversely, that I am somehow hiding a pain slut from You, makes me extremely angry. I feel like I am being looked on with skepticism because I have a strong desire to make You happy.

I have said it before: I will take as much pain as I possibly can. It brings You happiness. I do this for You. I will not use any safeword lightly. I do understand that there are those who will use safewords to top from the bottom, that is not who I am. Period. Safewords are communication tools not tools of manipulation.

If You feel I am waiting too long to safeword then I would like to talk about it. I will not have it thought that I am acting my way through our relationship. This is not a role I am playing. This is who I am. I am here to bring You joy. That is my purpose. To have my work on this objective questioned for any reason is extremely offensive. I am Your property and I behave with all of the honor, respect and honesty expected from that position.

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