Three days

Talking with you today, making concrete plans and timetables for Your visit – I realized I’m scared. I am ready. I do not question that fact but I’m scared.

It’s odd, this thing we will do … I am desperate for it yet I look on it with fear. I knew I was wary but talking about times and locations today – suddenly my heart was pounding. I could not understand it then, I had too much thinking going on. Now, I’ve had some quiet time to reflect. It is pure, unadulterated fear.

There is so much happening in the upcoming week. We do know how to pack on the stress, don’t we? I wish I enjoyed it as You do. Stress and worry, as often as I do them, make me tired. They cause me to feel strung out, sometimes to the snapping point.

I am not worried about Our play, other than Tuesday of course, but Our play is book-ended by two stress-and-worry-packed, potential-for-major-mistake-making events. I have this horrible feeling of foreboding that I’m going to do something, how ever unintentional, that will cause You to dismiss me. At minimum, I expect I will make some horrid breach of protocol, simply because I don’t know better. This has happened too often already.

I want so much for You to be proud of me.  I will settle for not embarrassing You.

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One thought on “Three days

  1. I am nervous with you…nerves help us perform at our best. (I am sure the events above have already passed (as you have indicated time delays) and you are still posting, so I am sure you are ‘fine’. Can’t wait to read about it.)

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