6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
I do not believe that I am submissive as a result of some mysterious cause and effect thing in my past. At the risk of sounding Gaga-esque, I believe I was born this way.
In my childhood, I was the quintessential good girl. I did not give my parents any trouble. I lived in fear of the punishments I watched my siblings receive. Once, in high school, I had a close friend who did not see obedience as a good thing. She convinced me to skip school with her for a couple of days. The repercussions of getting caught cured me of any future wayward inclinations I might have had.
As for “sexual thrill” or something else …well … The roots of my submission are grounded in my soul. This is who I am. It is not something I can put on and take off. I can push it to the side when I have to take control and run my home. It is still very much there, it’s just running in the background while I do what I have to do. Waiting for me to stop wearing my mask of dominance. Waiting for me to once again be allowed to be who I really am.
The query asks if it is for a “sexual thrill”. I have a significant problem with the implication that being submissive is all about sex. I suppose there are those who use submission to “get laid”, that’s not who I am. My submission is personally gratifying. It is not all about the sex. I do not get a sexual charge from picking up my Master’s breakfast or baking for Him or giving Him a massage. I do these things for Him because they are part of my service to Him – to assure that He is cared for, to know that He is happy. It is personally fulfilling for me to know that I have brought joy to my Master, in whatever form that joy presents itself, sexual or otherwise.