You asked if I spent some time cussing You out during the plug benchmark. You have said things to me of this ilk before. I don’t know how to help You recognize that I do not think that way about You.

There was all sorts of negative talk in the wee hours when I was drowning in pain. None of it directed toward You. “He thinks I can handle this. What is wrong with me that I can’t do this one little thing? … This shouldn’t be this hard. … What is the problem? Why can’t I give Him this?…  He hasn’t called, there must be something wrong with my tolerance that I’m having such a hard time. … This is absurd. He deserves someone stronger. Someone who wouldn’t whine about such a minor thing.”

I do not direct negative energy toward You. Ever. I’m not saying this won’t change. I’m not saying that someday You won’t truly piss me off. I am saying that, to date, I do not and have not felt that way toward You.

I have immense respect for You. I trust You implicitly. If there is something difficult going on with Us I assume that I am the one who caused it. My thought is almost always “What have I done this time?”

A perfect example: When you called me before going out yesterday and You were angry(?) I sat in disbelief. I had endured this thing for You. I had done my absolute best and still You were experiencing some sort of negative feeling toward me. I did not for one minute think “What is His problem? Does he not see what I went through?”. Nothing like that went through my head. I thought “In spite of what I endured, I have done something wrong. Is He going to tell me or am I going to have to try to figure it out so I don’t do it again?”

I love You. I want only the best for You. What kind of life mate would I be if I spewed bad juju at You, even in thought? People who love and respect each other don’t do those things. I strive to be a source of positive energy for You. To be a soft place to land. To be a welcoming environment that You seek out when You need rest or rejuvenation. That is where my thoughts are.


Please offer your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s