Motherhood

The woman who gave birth to me called today. I saw the number on the caller ID identifying the caller as my father. I have learned this is most often a masquerade. It’s nearly always her. Given that it’s a holiday for them, I picked up, knowing she would only call back if I didn’t.

When I said hello, my mother informed me that she was expecting guests in less than 30 minutes and she wanted to get this phone call “out of the way”. Uhm … didn’t she call me? She called me and I’m inconveniencing her? Mmm kay. She asked how each of the members of my household were doing. She asked if I was still doing yoga. “No, Mom. Not yoga. Aerobics, and yes, I am.” … “Oh, they’re the same thing. I can’t do either one.” Oh, that’s right. It’s all about you. I forgot for a second there. Thanks for reminding me. “Well I’m glad you’re all ok. I’ll talk to you another time.” Total time on the phone: One minute, twenty-seven seconds.

When I hung up I shrugged, shook my head, and went back to what I was doing. DH commented multiple times about how wrong the entire call was. About how she should take more time to talk with me. About how I’m her daughter and doesn’t she care about me at all. I told DH that I gave up a long time ago. She is who she is. Her behavior is a reflection on her. It is not about who I am. Her behavior towards me has never been about me. It took a long time for me to figure that out. I’m grateful actually. She has showed me precisely the type of mother I do not want to be. I am a significantly better mother for having had her in my life.

……………………………………………..
Today I am grateful for: shelter
Today’s funny moment: Intentionally working on the sense dep hood in DH’s presence. Catching the look on his face when he realized what I had in my hands. Chuckling inwardly when not a word was said about it.
Training: 15 minutes
Water: 16oz
Corset: am 26.5″, pm 25.5″

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