Someone used my scene name Friday night. It was the first time aside from those in my poly group, that I heard it spoken. In the community, I have stopped using the name that most in my life call me. I’m not that girl anymore. I am the person whose full name is used by her Master. I am also the person who is called <scenename>. Friday night, when I met a new crop of people I gave them my scene name.
I was walking down the hall and heard someone behind me say something. I kept walking for a stride or two until I realized what they said. I thought Hey, that sounded like they said <scenename>. I turned around and sure enough, there was the new couple I had met wanting to show me the marks Twizzlers had made on the slave’s back.
There is a shift happening. I am becoming progressively less of who I used to be. I did not realize how much my everyday name was an anchor to the old me. I am bothered a bit that my first contacts in the community will use my everyday name. That was how I introduced myself at that time because I felt that my scene name was “fake” somehow. I felt silly introducing myself with a “made up” name.
I AM that girl now. I am <scenename>. It is no longer made up or fake. She is real. She is who I am.
Today I am grateful for: a soft bed
Today’s funny moment: “A fork has four tines. Three tines is a trident. A fork is for eating. A trident is for ruling the seas.”
Training: 1.25 hours
Water: 16 oz