Waiting

The blinking cursor. Some days it doesn’t phase me in the slightest. Tonight, it’s exhausting. So much happened this weekend. How can so much have happened in 4 short days?

This weekend I met Your mate. Yes, I had contact with her before. Yes, we had exchanged small talk before. This weekend I met her. While you were ill, while you slept, Your mate and I shared a meal. We shared stories. I see her. She is no longer on the peripheral. I like her. I believe there is a possibility of friendship there, though I’m admittedly not all that good at reading people. I could be very wrong. Your mate may have no interest in befriending me.

A year ago. JUST a year ago. I barely knew You. A year ago I could never have pictured where we are right now. Hanging out with both of you last night … it was fun, snuggling together, watching DVDs. I don’t understand why it wasn’t awkward. I’m glad it wasn’t. I just don’t understand the why of it.

I’m terrified, and I don’t use that word for dramatic purposes, I’m terrified I will lose it all. If Your mate had not stopped me from walking out the door I would have lost You. There is no doubt in my mind. That is an amazing woman You chose for a mate. She is the reason I still have a journal to write tonight. I owe her a debt of gratitude I will never be able to repay.

I understand that You are still making up Your mind. I know You said it’s possible You will only own me for a few more days. I know You said we may have to part. I am holding out hope that You will remember all the growth We have had over the last year. I am holding out hope that You will run the numbers You are so good at and realize the good far out weighs the bad. I am holding out hope that You will decide I am worth the expense of Your time and significant effort. I am holding out hope that You will allow us a future. All of us.

I will do anything for You. I need Your happiness. If You decide You will be happier without me, then I will do that too.

……………………………………….
Today I am grateful for: Ibuprofen
Today’s funny moment: “It’s a dirty job but somebody’s gotta do it.”
Training: 15 minutes
Water: 16 oz (64oz cranberry/seltzer)
Corset: 26″ am, 25″ pm

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