Flashback

Things I do not do

  • I do not ask for help. Asking for help makes one look weak and incompetent.
  • I do not beg. Begging is humiliating and weak.
  • I do not crawl. I am not a child or a dog. I am a strong, independent woman.
  • I do not “need” or rely on other people. People will let you down. I am the only person I can count on.
  • I do not allow myself to be taken care of. I take care of myself. See previous comment about not being a child.
  • I do not expose the raw parts of myself. If I have not worked through an issue to resolution, I keep it to myself. No one can see me immersed in the vulnerability of half-processed emotions. Maintaining a facade of strength is critical.
  • I do not cry as a result of emotional vulnerability. Hallmark commercials, books, sappy movies: Fine. Crying induced by anger, frustration, pain, sadness, fear, etc. is weak, shameful and unacceptable.
  • I do not allow anyone control over any aspect of my life. I wear what I want. I eat what I want. I drink what I want. I dictate my appearance. My body and life are mine. No one tells me what to do with them.
  • I do not attend social functions alone. A secondary or tertiary person who attends with me is essential to keeping social interaction and therefore, embarrassment, to a minimum.
  • I do not put myself into situations where failure is more than a miniscule possibility. I am strong and intelligent. Failing is shameful and makes me feel/appear weak and stupid.
  • I do not allow myself to be pushed by anyone. If I say I’m not doing something, then I’m not doing it. If it makes me uncomfortable, on any level, the answer is no. I will not “work on it” because someone else wants me to do it. The thing, whatever it is, is not open for discussion or negotiation for any reason. Period.
  • I do not put my life in the hands of anyone other than myself. People let you down. Depending on someone else to keep me safe and ensure my well being is foolhardy at best. There isn’t a person on the planet deserving of that level of trust.

NOTE: The person who wrote this post no longer exists.

…………………………………………….
Today I am grateful for: Benadryl
Today’s funny moment: none
Training: 45 minutes
Water: 16 oz

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7 thoughts on “Flashback

  1. I believe that it takes a stronger woman to be a submissive or a slave and not a weak one. I am sorry that you feel this way. I absolutely look forward to your posts all of them. Just for the simple fact that they let me know that I am not alone. Thank you for everything.

    • Thanks for the comment. I no longer feel this way. That was the point of this post. I have been reflecting on how much I have changed in the last year. I no longer believe any of these things. Thus the final line “NOTE: The person who wrote this post no longer exists.”

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