An open letter to the ex

FUCK YOU!

I never said that to your face though I was well within my rights to do so. I was also well within my rights to carve it in your flesh and follow it up with my initials to make very sure you never forgot who put it there. I never raised a finger to you though no one would have blamed me if I had.

Fuck you for taking this from me, from my Master, this wonderful man who deserves absolutely everything He could possibly want/need/desire from me.

Fuck you for making this seemingly simple thing traumatically hard every. single. time.

Fuck you for making me feel weak and impotent when I even think about having to do it one more time.

Fuck you for stealing gratification no matter the cost.

Fuck you for making me feel like it was my fault.

Fuck you for making me feel like something was wrong with me.

Fuck you for making me feel like something IS wrong with me now, some 20 years on. That deserves two of them: Fuck you and fuck you again!

Fuck you that I have to think about you every day. The memory of what you did will be eradicated. I will make it so.

I will take this back from you. I will overcome this limitation. You no longer have power over me. This last vestige of your impact on my life will soon be gone. You didn’t deserve me then and you don’t deserve me now. So fuck you and fuck the baggage you left behind.

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6 thoughts on “An open letter to the ex

  1. I know the feeling.

    My ex-hit me twice unprovoked and when I was in a prone position and trying to de-escalate the situation, She threw a knife at me from 4 feet away. Changed what poly was, refused counseling, lied about our bed being sacred three times after finding condoms and toys in it. toyed with outing me as transgender to me family and outed me as kinky to my family.

    Yet, I wish her the best and will not let her have power over me. I hope she finds the one that makes her happy. In the end I will do better than her and that is the best revenge.

    Thanks to her I am better off financially, have a career focus with half a Bachelors education in Human Services as I did her college work without the student debt.

      • I have put most of it behind me. As she always said I will live and learn and get the love I deserve. I sincerely wish her the best and hope she finds one that makes her happy. I look back on it and think of the positive more than the negative. I am ready to move on and find my Dominant geeky girl for me to serve and love.

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