Today wore me out. I cannot thank you enough for staying with me through the 6 bajillion phone calls.
I have not unpacked anything but day-to-day essentials. Unpacking means the time is really over. I don’t want it to be over.
My new training corset has been ordered in long-line, size 18, leather. I will now have a reason to wear leather every day. The new goal is 20 inches.
I’m going to bed. Hopefully sleep will come easily and be nightmare free.
I like You.
I love You.
You are my friend.
………………………………. Today I am grateful for: companionship Today’s funny moment: Overheard: “I won! I beat you mommy!” .. “Yes, you did Honey and if I ever have this baby, you’ll never beat me again.” Training: none Water: 4.5 liters Corset: Will resume Wednesday if fully healed.
I spent relatively few hours with You this weekend compared to Our usual play. How is it then that I feel so differently? About You. About Your mate. About my place with you both. Somehow, also about myself.
My relationship with Your mate feels altered. I no longer feel that I’m walking on egg shells. I feel an affinity with her now. There is an ease when I’m with her that I did not have before. I don’t know where it came from or how or why. It seems as quick as the snap of a finger.
And You … when we did our encasement (what can only be described as a) demo at the party, the connection I felt with You was … unparalleled. We did not really talk today about how You were feeling during Our activity so I don’t know where You were emotionally. More than that, I don’t even know if You had time to feel among all of the comments and chatting from the peanut gallery.
I wonder if You know how safe You made me feel. How special. How cherished. How treasured. The many times You checked in with me, making sure We were on the same page with what You were doing. Making sure I was comfortable. Making sure I was alright emotionally. I am surprised I was not glowing from the light with which You filled me. I still carry it. I still feel it. I am radiant.
I cannot name what has changed within me. Not yet anyway. I only know I feel different. Good different. Better different. Irrevocably different.
Today I am grateful for: water Today’s funny moment: playing with the dojo mascot kitten Training: none – in time-out Water: 6.5 liters Corset: not worn – hip bruising from looking hot. Planning on resuming Wednesday if fully healed.
Yes, I’m still out of sorts. I suspect the majority of that is because I have not been able to sleep. I do not mean that I went to bed and slept fitfully without rest, I mean I have not closed my eyes. Anger will do that on occasion. Blind fury will guarantee it.
I am no longer furious. I am still extremely annoyed. The annoyance will pass. The pain from Your words will take much longer to heal. Unfortunately the depth of love I have for You also means You have a far greater capacity to hurt me than anyone else.
We had a steady 8 in attendance with periods of 6 and 9. One or two of the usual suspects, several new folks.
Topic was well received.
……………………………….. Today I am grateful for: reconnecting Today’s funny moment: “I always try to look and smell my best” Training: did not train due to medical reasons Water: 4 liters Corset: 24.5am, 23.75pm