I read a post today on K&P that really pissed me off. It was written by a Dominant who described a scene in which he had pushed his sub rather hard. He then said he asked her to do something and, with tears in her eyes, she said “no”. This Dom was busy patting himself on the back because he ended the scene when she said no and, of course, the ignorant masses agreed with him.
Uhmmmm ….. ok, he says she looked like she had endured enough. Mm kay, fine, how about “Are you using a safe word?” or some facsimile there of? Does no one know how to communicate in scene?
I have said “no no no” at lease twice during play that I can recall. Both of the times, I remember you instantly paused what you were doing and asked if that was a safe word. It wasn’t either time. It was just me being scared and we continued on.
What if his submissive needed to push through? What if he did both of them a disservice by trying to read her mind? I don’t care how long partners have been together, there still needs to be communication! She said no and they were done? No inquiry that we know of about why she said no?
I can imagine if this had been us. If you had directed me to do something and I said “No”. We would have communicated! We would have gone through the, is it unsafe, is it outside of your ability, is it against your hard limits questionnaire and I would have ended up doing it anyway. Even if I was spent. Why? Because I don’t end play, you do.
I really hope we don’t have the whole picture. I really hope there was an in-depth discussion after the fact about why it happened. Man, they seriously ticked me off. What is wrong with people?
I cannot imagine where you and I would be if every time I looked like I had “endured enough” that was the end of play. Geez!
Today I am grateful for: You. You and all of the training you have put me through. You, because I realize just how off kilter the above scenario is.
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: Doing my nails for no one.
Water: 4 liters
Corset: Not worn – Leather Pants Friday