It is what it is

I’m better than I was this morning. I’m not all better. I’ve been trying to work out why last night hit me so hard. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t know and that if I’m going to get past it I have to let it go.

I’m not a horrible person. I have a mental deficiency caused by a closed head injury. It’s not the end of the world and for the most part I cope with it just fine. It’s never going to get any better than it is right now. That’s the reality.

I sometimes feel if I was completely alone in the world then my brain wouldn’t bother me nearly as much. Yes, I get extremely frustrated with myself, especially when my checks and balances and all the tools I’ve put in place fail me. It’s when my issues affect others, that I hurt and fester. Failing myself is one thing, failing those I love is something else entirely – something I find unforgivable.

I don’t give up and I don’t quit, though sometimes, I really really want to.

Today I am grateful for: distractions
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: my self defeating cyclical thought patterns complicated by sleep deprivation
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters 6 ounces
Corset: 23″ am , 23″ pm


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