- Every once in a while You assign attributes that do not belong to me. Today, I was crabby and out of sorts for no identifiable reason. I said as much to You. You said You thought You were not getting the whole story, that I was keeping something from You.
Please hear me: I do not/will not/cannot withhold anything from You. The last time I willfully kept something from You was when I had my health scare. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time because I didn’t have all of the answers. That was just about a year ago. I am no longer that person. You are my chosen Mate. You are my Master. You are my Best Friend. I tell You absolutely everything. I can no longer imagine it being any other way. Please know that if I know what’s going on with me, even if it’s just a whisper of an idea, I will tell You.
- Twice this past weekend You did something for me. Twice You held me when I needed it, without my saying a word. I don’t have words for the impact those two gestures had for me.
– You held me smack dab in the middle of play. I don’t have a complete memory of this. I remember only that I was having an incredibly difficult time of it. You were pushing me, driving me ever harder. You gave pause and allowed me to hold You. I remember clinging to You as one drowning clings to a life ring thrown in the water. I remember my disbelief that it was being allowed. I do not know how long I held onto You. It may have been seconds – It may have been several minutes. I know only that it gave me a second wind, the ability to say the words “I don’t quit” with conviction.
– You checked in with me some minutes after a reprimand. I sat at the table and was having a hell of a time not crying. The pain and general stress of the weekend had caught up with me and was now muddied with the knowledge that I had disappointed You.
When You called me to You, I thought You had remembered something else I had done wrong that needed to be addressed. I thought I would be crying by the time I reached You. Instead, You were gentle. You talked with me. You held me and suddenly I was able to take a full breath again. (I’m swallowing a lump in my throat even now thinking about it.) The correction still hurt but knowing You were not angry and/or disgusted by me helped. It gave me mental space to process what You had said I needed to work on, instead of having my head space jangling with worry about anger.
- Thank you for loving me enough to be gentle. I don’t have much of that in my life. I need/crave Your touch. You ground me with it. You keep things in perspective. You quiet my mind. You heal me.
Today I am grateful for: The sound of Your voice
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: the inexplicable pall that covered most of my day
Water: 4 liters
Hood: 1 hour