Inner monologue

Yikes, that hurt
OK No warm up this time. Got it.
Geez lighten up a bit. At this pace I’ll be done in ten minutes.
Seriously. That really hurts. He knows I hate that sting-y flogger. What the hell?
Mhm. ok we’re gonna have one of those sessions. I better get to breathing.
Deep breath
push it out
Deep breath
push it out
Jesus christ! Could we leave some skin on please?
breathe
just breathe
oh thank god …yes, please thuddy is better
??
??
just how hard does He think I can take that?
Yowch! Wrap sucks. It sucks hard.
He’s doing that on purpose!
breathe
breathe
breathe
christ!!
I am NOT going to cry.
I am strong.
No crying.
No crying.
I can do this.
Just breathe through it.
I can’t
I can’t
son of a bitch, He’s going to make me cry.
breathe
I can’t
If He would just ease off for a minute and let me breathe
christ I’m shaking. Can’t He see I’m shaking?
Too much pain
Too much
Much too much
Tears. Fucking tears. I’m stronger than this.
What? What was that?
Did He say something? Was that the crowd?
turn around ….
I’m a fucking mess. I don’t want anyone but Him seeing me this way. Fuck.
Good god!! Can we please leave the nipples on? I’m rather attached to them.
Come ON!
That’s got to be cutting me open. It has to be.
I should look. I should see if I’m bleeding. He would stop if I was bleeding.
Wouldn’t He?
If I open my eyes, I’m going to loose it.
I’m barely holding on.
No need. He’ll keep me safe. He won’t harm me.
please move please hit a different spot please please please
please please please my front can’t take as much please please
Number … he wants a number … pain pain pain …. tell Him nine and He’ll back off
Bull shit … that’s bull shit … but the pain … bull shit … don’t lie … never lie
Fine. Fuckitthen.
Six
For Him. Because of Him. Only Him.
Thank god … thuddy on the back. Thank god I can do this all night long.
Hurts like a bitch but Icandothis
Breathe
push it out
Breathe
push it out
shaking, rubber knees, light headed
shaking shaking shakingshakingshaking
crying again
pain pain pain pain painpainpainpain
For Him for Him for Him for Him
painpainpainpainpain
painpainpainpainpain
painpainpainpa … ??
what? what was that?
number … right, a number …
painpainpain
He wants a number
painpainpainpainpainpainpain
a number .. a numpainpainpainpain
a number .. fuck .. leave me alone … just let me fade out
yes fine .. eight, ok? I’m at fucking eight!
say it out loud, you have to say it out loud
Eight
crying again
weak … so fucking weak
painpainpainpain
painpainpainpain
get your painpainpain shit together
painpainpain
recover! painpainpainpainpain come on!
painpainpain I’mdone painpainpain Ican’t
painpainpain Idon’tquitIdon’tquitIdon’tpainpainpain
painpainpainfuckpainpainpainnomorepainpainpain
impact impact impact impact impact impact impactimpactimpact
impactimpactimpactimp … warm … gone

…………………………….
Today I am grateful for: patience
Today’s funny moment: “Yes, Mother. I will do as you say.”
Sad moment: Word to the wise: Do not watch Rent when one is already a bit low.
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters 6 ounces
Corset:n/a am, 24.5 pm
Hood: 1 hour

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