An “ah ha” moment

I read this today. It is a piece discussing the idea that there is no prescribed set of behaviors for slaves, common to the community as a whole.

The entire piece was thought provoking. This bit particularly:
He also shows me that he owns all of me, not just the pieces I’d like to show to the world, but the parts I’d rather hide. They belong to him and if he wants to show a dungeon the raging beast that hides behind all my walls…he will. And, after I’ve tried my best to beat the crap out of him and failed, he will often hold me and tell me how proud he is of me.

I often rerun, in my mind’s eye, experiences I’ve had with You. The experiences I hold onto and reexamine most often are the ones that exposed me to others in ways I thought should only be seen by You. Things that were, at minimum, embarrassing at the time (e.g. dungeon orgasms).

When I read the paragraph cited above, I gasped. I sat back in my chair, a hand over my mouth, and thought oh my god! as tears of revelation filled my eyes. I don’t know what Your motivation is for exposing me as You do, and now, I understand it is irrelevant.

I don’t know how I missed this. It is beyond me how I didn’t understand it. It is so crystal clear to me that it is something I can’t unsee. Your ownership of me is not contingent. You do not own me only when it is just the two of Us or only when We are among friends or only when I am fully comfortable with Our environment. You own my body as well as the actions and reactions You provoke from it always.

You have the final say. If You want to sit me down in the middle of the woods for mosquitoes to feed on, for no other reason than You find it amusing, then it is Your choice. Not everything is about a lesson or training or pushing me. It is all about being Your property all of the time.

Today I am grateful for: my health
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: n/a
Protocol: All of me. All Yours. All of the time.
Water: 4 liters
Corset: n/a
Hood: 30 minutes


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