I read this post about goals the author set for her relationship. I related to most of what she had to say until I hit number seven:
7. I want to be disciplined. Not because I ‘need’ to, not because I’ve done something wrong, not because I’ve ‘earned a spanking’, but because it’s a good reminder. I don’t want to need a spanking. I don’t want to do anything to earn a spanking. My goal is to not do anything wrong. My goal is to not do anything that causes you to have to do more work, my goal is to do things to help you do less work. I want to be disciplined to remind me that I don’t answer to just me. I want to be disciplined to remind me what it feels like, to make sure I don’t forget what will happen if and when I do something wrong, when I do earn it. Because, as much as I don’t want to, I’m sure that I will.
Excuse me!? This smacks of “maintenance” beatings. Discipline to show who’s boss, not because it’s deserved? I find this to be seriously fucked up. I thought ok, I do everything in my power to avoid punitive action and this chick is seeking it out as a reminder. It doesn’t work for me but meh. It takes all kinds.
I believed her to be an exception. Then I read the comments. So many people singled out this specific item as the thing they loved about her piece. This leads me to believe that perhaps I am the exception. That I am among the few who seek to avoid punishment at all costs. I sure as hell don’t need a reminder of what will happen if I fuck up … as if I could ever forget.
Just when I think I’ve seen enough to say I’m ok with the “Your kink is not my kink” attitude something like this comes around and I feel as though I’m back to square one. “You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m going to punish you anyway.” Seriously! What the fuck!?
Today I am grateful for: patience
Today’s funny moment: “Leonard sleeps while I play bongos.”
Sad moment: n/a
Water: 4 liters + 6oz.
Corset: 24.5″ am, 24″ pm
Hood: 1 hour