I’ve been thinking about orgasm control. Forced orgasm. Denied orgasm. Now this new idea, prescribed orgasm. When You first asked the “what ifs” I thought You were returning my orgasms, making them mine again. I thought perhaps You had one too many things to deal with and, as such, You were giving this back.
The inner conflict I felt is difficult to explain. I do not enjoy that I am not allowed to orgasm whenever I wish. The pleasure I get from knowing the control is Yours far out weighs the frustration from waiting. When You brought up changing this part of Our dynamic, I simultaneously thought Oooo! I can orgasm whenever I want! and They don’t belong to me and I don’t want them back.
That latter phrase was a bit surprising, I don’t mind telling You. I previously thought I was enduring this control. I am owned, it feeds You. That is reason enough. Somewhere along the way orgasm control has become a part of me, something I need. I don’t understand this need. I didn’t know it existed. The concept is going to take some processing.
As We continued to explore the topic, and I understood that You would maintain control, the idea of a prescribed orgasm was easier to accept. I came to understand that it would be regimented, that though You would not necessarily be present, any orgasm would still be Yours. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Since Our conversation, the idea has been rattling around in my head. Would scheduling the orgasm change the experience? Would I still be capable of orgasm in Your absence? Would there be days when I simply didn’t feel like it? After a time, would I come to look at it as something I had to do? How would that change my ability to orgasm, if at all? What would the rules be? Would I be allowed visual stimulation or would I have to dream it all up in my head? Would the act become ritualized?
Whether You issue this command or not, I’ve found it interesting food for thought. Without Our discussion I would not have discovered a need I didn’t know I had. Thank you for consistently nourishing my brain.
Today I am grateful for: Alcohol
Today’s funny moment: Trash talk during darts
Sad moment: n/a
Water: 4 liters