Be polite

Well TMI kind of left me out of the loop this week. I’m all for fun and games and sharing and I practice a hefty amount of discretion. I’ve committed to writing (at least) a post a week so I’m going to present one that’s been kicking around my brain for a month or so now …

I am high protocol. This presents some challenges for me at the dungeon I frequent. The vibe at the club is easy going, welcoming, and extremely friendly. This means there is a whole lot of casual touch. Everyone hugs everyone. There are couches in several locations and by the end of the night most are filled with people all of whom are in physical contact of one type or another. This could mean sitting hip-to-hip or literally laying on top of each other sucking face and rubbing naughty bits. Many of the regulars do mix-and-match play. Just about any regular might be playing with any other regular at any given time.  Like TMI Tuesday, much of the conversation revolves around sex. Things people have done, are doing, would like to do, their latest orgasm etc.

See all of that stuff I just talked about? I don’t do most of it. High protocol is about discretion, etiquette, respect, honor, and service. (It’s about other things too but we’ll stick with those that are most applicable for this entry.) I’ve been a regular at the dungeon for about a year and a half now. I’m well liked, people look forward to seeing me and that’s about it. Generally speaking people don’t know what to do with me.


Word got around about me pretty quickly. I actually heard someone say “She is not to be touched.” I offended several by not accepting their hugs. On more than one occasion, when the individual thought if I didn’t see it coming that I would have to hug them, things were awkward for both of us. It doesn’t matter how politely or gently I say no. It’s still no and people take it personally.


So what to do then with a high protocol girl? Be polite. Don’t know what that looks like? Let me help you out:
  • If you feel moved to hug me, ask permission. A simple “May I hug you?” will eliminate the awkwardness for both of us and it will bump up my respect for you because you’ve asked. The answer will probably still be no but keep asking if you like. That’s perfectly ok. Someday when I feel I know you well, I may say yes.
  • If you want to talk to me, come and sit down, we’ll have a chat. I will talk to you all about the best sex you’ve had and the wonderful orgasm you had from the flogging you got tonight, if that’s what you want to talk about. I will not share any of the same information with you. I will speak to you in generalities and ask all sorts of questions about you. You will leave the conversation feeling as though you talked with someone who actually listened to you instead a person who was waiting for their turn to talk.
  • If you’ve heard the rumors that I’m “not to be touched” and can’t figure out what that’s about because I don’t seem high and mighty, holier than thou, or plain ol’ stuck up, ask me about protocol. I’m an open book when it comes to teaching. I would much rather be asked than treated like a social pariah.
  • About those couches: If you offer me a seat on a the couch next to you, and the couch is already well beyond its intended capacity, I will say no. I don’t think you have cooties. I may genuinely enjoy your company. I have to weigh whether you are offering me somewhere to rest because you suspect these fetish shoes are killing my feet or if you are inviting me to your cuddle fest. If there is even the mere suggestion of a cuddle fest I will beg off to avoid offending you when someone attempts to cuddle with me and I have to say no.

    If you wish to sit next to me, go for it. I would prefer you ask because that’s the polite thing to do but if you simply plop down I won’t be offended. That being said, if the couch is at capacity and you squeeze into a space not large enough for a toddler, I will sit politely for a few moments, because I don’t wish to embarrass you by pointing out your impropriety, then I will excuse myself. Again, I don’t think you have cooties and, no, it’s not because you smell. It’s not proper for me to sit physically touching an individual when the only thing I know about them is their name … and maybe not even that.
  • If you offer to give me a tour of your toy bag I will, in all likelihood, if you aren’t an asshat, accept. I fully enjoy these tours, especially if you have unconventional items in your bag. I will not however allow you to demonstrate your toys on my person. You will not touch me, even if it is to point out where a toy might be used on my body. Your toys will not touch me. I will not touch your toys. If I decline to touch your toys once, the answer is not going to change. Please, take the hint and continue your show and tell. We will have a jolly old time chatting about the delightful scenes you’ve created. We will talk about the marks your toys leave. We will probably talk about your style of play and what you enjoy doing to the people you play with. So, please do make the offer of a tour. It’ll be fun.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t do it (whatever it is) with/to someone you barely know outside of the dungeon, don’t ask it of me inside the dungeon. I would really rather not make things awkward, or cause you to feel embarrassment due to your impropriety, but I will if you force my hand. My protocol and service to my One take precedence over your feelings. Making you feel bad also makes me feel bad. Please, spare us both. Be polite.


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2 thoughts on “Be polite

  1. Good post. I would not say it is “too much information” but it is good information about your high protocal lifestyle.

    In my experience at our oldest dungeon people understand and respect high protocol and give the same ‘hands off’ respect to anyone wearing a collar unless they know them. At this dungeon kinky folk mix with D/s mix with fetishist. Sure their is lots of overlap but the folks are not all the same nor do the have the same ‘commuinty rules’. For example, in this mix of communities you might find some people wearing a collar without understanding the historical or original significance or not knowing what high protocal means. The way to govern this at our dungeon is there are rules. Everyone first timer gets told the rules, number one rule being do not touch anyone unless you have asked permission and been given permission or unless you own them.

    I once encountered a high protocol slave who accompanied her Master to the dungeon but she was not allowed to speak unless her Master gave her permission to do so. No one was allowed to speak to her unless they spoke to her Master and He allowed the conversation, and he monitored most. Sure she had approved friends who he would let her speak to but those friends greeted Him first and then asked permission to talk to their friend. Friends respected that M/s dynamic.

    The wonderful world of M/s and D/s lifestyles–so many types and degrees of relationships.

    Thanks for sharing.

    -H

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