This is one of the best write ups on the perception of pain that I’ve seen. I must have looked like a bobble head reading through it, I was nodding so much.
I have also caught myself sharing in the “If I’m not hard core, if I don’t ‘take enough’, then I’m not ‘real'” school of thought. It is a seriously messed up way to gauge worthiness. I wonder how much of my pushing myself to take more is because I truly want more and how much is because I need to be ‘hard core’.
I had to vent. I’m friends with maledoms. A few of them. Lately their wives and girlfriends have been showing a lot of jealousy. They’ve made new rules, baiting remarks; I’ve made reassurances that ought to be unnecessary. “I just don’t see why they think I’m a threat. They do understand that their partners stay with them for a reason, right?”
“They’ve seen you play. They think that because you like more pain than they do, that you’re better at kink.”
That’s wrong. The conclusion is wrong: more masochistic does not mean better at kink. Want better at kink? Be awesome at knowing and communicating what you want and how to do it safely and well, from either side of the slash. That’s how you do better at kink. Which kinks you like and in what doses are all personal preference. There should be no value attached.
The underlying assumption…
View original post 711 more words