Fitness Journal: Day 4

Prompt: Your greatest fear regarding your weight loss.

This one is easy. I don’t even have to think about it. That the weight will come back. I say that like there is some sort of mysterious transformation that happens overnight and *poof* I’ll wake up fat again.

I know that’s not how it is. I know this is all me. Taking it off, that’s on me. Keeping it off, that’s on me, too. I’ve done this cycle a bunch of times. I don’t even want to think about the total weight I’ve lost, and subsequently gained back, during my adult life.

The present cycle I’m on has been the most successful. I lost the most I ever had, a few years ago, to put me at this weight. (Of course, that also means the cycle prior, I had gained the most I ever had, but let’s not look into that particular kettle of fish. Mmkay? Move along. Nothing more to see here.) I’ve kept it off. Mostly.

While I’m annoyed that I allowed any of it to come back on, there were extenuating circumstances and 2015 was chock full of back-to-back extenuating circumstances. I’ll not be sad to see the end of this year in my rear-view.

Additionally, while the beginning of the loss cycle sucks hardcore, and my emotional state resembles that of a PMSing, manic, tweeking crack whore without a fix, I know from experience, it will be (relatively) short lived – usually until results start to show on the scale. I do recognize that those closest to me will feel as though it’s never gong to end.

Sorry, guys. I apologize in advance for all of the things I will say/do when I’m hangry and tweeking for doughnuts.


3 thoughts on “Fitness Journal: Day 4

  1. Three years ago, I was a depressed alcoholic who weighed 325 lbs. Now, I’m a sober woman, in therapy (dealing with my depression in a healthy manner rather than drinking to drown it) and I’m down to 217 lbs. Yes, I’ve lost SO MUCH WEIGHT, as people tell me, but because I stand 5″1, I’m still technically overweight. At my last proper physical, the doctor said that according to the height/weight proportionality chart (whatever that is, and whoever invented it) a woman of my height, with my bone structure ought to weigh between 80 and 100 lbs. I think I weighed 100 lbs when I was in the third grade, it’s just not going to happen again in my lifetime (I mean, unless I get cancer and I’m dying and I lose my appetite or something). I’m an Italian-American, I eat rice balls and fried calamari and lasagna. I’m not going to eat a piece of kale and announce, “Yeah, that’s it for me, I’m full.” I do have a treadmill in my basement, and I use it (maybe not as often now as when I was first trying to lose the weight, but I’m keeping it off), and my once-weekly feat of chasing my 4 year old niece and 19 month old nephew around is pretty good esercise (seriously, picking my nephew up counts as weight lifting, that little munchkin is solid weight).

    My greatest fear a bout my weight loss is that no matter how much I lose/have lost, or how well I’m keeping it off, I’ll STILL think of myself as that 325 pound slob I used to be, and that fear comes true from time to time. I’ll go in the fitting room at Macy’s, take off my clothes to try a dress on, and SEE MY BODY IN THAT HARSH FITTING ROOM LIGHTING, and catch a glimpse of a much fatter version of myself (I don’t know if it’s the lighting, the angle of the mirrors in there, or both that create that effect, but inside a Macy’s fitting room, I seem ot have three more chins than I have in real life).

    • I can relate to the treadmill in the basement. The hardest part, for me is sticking to my exercise regimen. At my age, with this metabolism, it’s critical to my weight loss. If I skip it, the scale knows.

      I follow two rules:
      1. Never miss three days in a row. (I try not to miss any so this one is almost a given. Almost.)
      2. Never miss a Monday.

      • I’m 38 years old, I am not a teenager anymore. I will never have the body of a taut pre-teen gymnast. Like all the women on my father’s side of the family, I’m rather bottom-heavy (not to say I have nothing up top, I fill out a 42D bra), but yes, the scale (and my jeans) will always know if I slack off.

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