Fitness Journal: Day 5

Prompt: Why do you really want to lose this weight? Who are you doing this for?

I want to lose this weight because, if I had done my job, if I had followed through on the promise I made myself when I lost it, I would have no weight to lose.

I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it because, as I watched the undulations of the scale this past year, mostly powerless to stop it with any consistency, I promised myself that as soon as I was healthy, and physically able, I would get right back down to my goal weight.

I would venture to say that if most people knew how much I wanted to lose, they would not understand the strength of my conviction. It’s not as if I changed sizes in clothing. I do not look, to anyone else, as though I have gained weight.

So what’s the big deal? The big deal is that I’ve been here before. In the past, I have watched the numbers creep up and said, It’s only a pound. Tomorrow.  I’ll get back on track tomorrow. Previously, I tomorrowed myself into a 70 pound weight gain. I will not do that to myself again.

I promised myself I would never do that again. That, at least, is a promise I can keep.

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One thought on “Fitness Journal: Day 5

  1. The fact that you gained a few pounds back doesn’t mean you failed as a human being. We’re women, our bodies fluctuate. That time of the month rolls around and we’re bloated no matter how we stick to the almighty diet.

    The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about me is that my grandfather raped me when I was ten & after that, I, knowing he disliked fat ladies, and wanting to make sure he never touched me again, embarked on a journey to get as big as I could. I drank too, & I kept right on like that until I was 35 years old and weighed 325 lbs. I got sober after I almost dropped dead of alcohol poisoning & when I got sober the weight started coming off (the body metabolizes alcohol as sugar, which had been making and keeping me fat) and I started using the treadmill for something other than to hang clothes on. I love how I look now that I’ve lost weight, but the number on the scale isn’t the be all or the end all. There are other important numbers in life. The number 3, for example, is important because that’s how many years sober I celebrated a week ago today. The number 2, that’s how many years and my nephew will be in March (if I hadn’t quit drinking, I probably would’ve died before he was born).

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