Fitness Journal: Day 10

Prompt: Do you feel like you have given anything up over the course of this process? If yes, what is it, and how do you feel about making the sacrifice?

Have I given anything up? This is an almost laughable question. Of course I’ve given things up. Of course I’ve made (am making) sacrifices.

I’m about to sound like an addict again. I gave up the instant happiness that sugar, salt, and fat bring me. I read somewhere that food is the most overused and ineffective antidepressant, while exercise is the most effective and least used.

I have always found food to be extremely effective. Nothing makes me happy like eating, particularly things that are bad for me. Furthermore, when I want to eat crap, I want to eat crap, exercise does not make me feel any better. It is a chore I do every day because I am committed to working on my body and my health, not because it makes me happy.

So, the question asks, how do I feel about giving up my chosen medication? Frankly, it sucks. That said, I am resolute. I have not had a doughnut in years. I am sad without my edible happiness. I have been sad quite a bit since I began this process.

Once a week, I go out and dress in clothes that show off my hard work. I go out and am surrounded by people who have 100 pounds on me. I stand in the midst of these seemingly happy, obese people and wonder why I bother.

Sad, healthy in body, and thin, or happy and fat. There are days, far too many days, when making the responsible choice is a Herculean effort.

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