30 Days of Submission #17

17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission? 

Trust. A tiny word with mammoth meaning and impact.

In the context of my submission, I must trust my Master implicitly. When We play, I am trusting that He will know how much is enough. I trust that He has Our best interests in His heart. I trust that when He is pushing far beyond what We have ever done, that He knows what I am capable of, what We are capable of together. I trust that He will care for me mentally and physically – before, during and after.

In some forms of Our play I am, quite literally, completely incapacitated for multiple hours. My life is in His hands until He gives it back to me. It is impossible to explain the depth of emotion – the strength of bond – that comes with this level of play. While I belong to Him always, in these particular play sessions, I am His utterly, to do with as He pleases. My trust in Him is perfect. I know with certainty that no harm will come to me. He will not allow it.

Additionally, I recognize that He has bestowed His trust on me. He has to trust that I will follow through with all of my training. That I will maintain my written journal and all other tasks. That as His property, I represent Him, conducting myself as if He were standing beside me always. That before and during play I will communicate in all of the ways We have established – even if that means scrapping an entire play session, even if the play was to be a multi-day session. The trust He has in me is equally as important as my trust in Him.

Outside of play I seek His council. I trust His wisdom. Acting on His advice has changed several aspects of my life for the better and will doubtless continue to do so. My life is enriched for being His.

Today I am grateful for: patience
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: LM’s shenanigans
Protocol: I had no idea there were several levels of protocol associated with the military and the national anthem.
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 24″ am, 23.5″ pm
Hood: 3 hours

30 Days of Submission #15

15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I have an amazing Master. (Bear with me. This really does relate to the question.) He pushes me, sometimes harder than I think I can stand. When We met, He was able to see who I am now, this girl who He has allowed me to become. He shepherded me on this path, keeping a firm hand on my leash when discomfort would have caused me to halt progress or move backward.

Roughly a year ago, I decided that I was going to do something about how miserable I was. I had denied who I was for what seemed like an eternity. I could not tolerate it any longer. I was mad at the world and it showed. I finally figured out that the only way I was going to have a shot at happiness was to change what I was doing.

I found my way back to BDSM. Almost instantly I felt alive again. I thought I would be content with a little slap n tickle in the bedroom. I quickly found out that would never be enough for me. I then thought being submissive would be enough. I began to live poly. My submission deepened and I needed more.

The term slave was introduced and I balked. I didn’t understand the meaning. I heard only the word and the ugly things it can represent. I became His slave long before I acknowledged the label, quite possibly before I realized the label applied to who I already was. I was blind to so much.

In the last year (and a bit) who I am has changed on a fundamental level. I have learned things about myself –  what I am capable of enduring, what I will do for another in the name of service, that I can need another person and not have it mean that I am weak, how deeply I can love, how hard I can be pushed – things I did not think were possible.

As for imagining my future evolution – it’s simply not possible. A year ago, I could not have imagined where I am today. Master and I reflect on this fact often when something momentous occurs. “Could you have imagined this a year ago?” I could not have imagined this girl. I could not have imagined this joy. I could not have imagined this love. I could not have imagined this bond. I could not have imagined a deep love of encasement, or bondage, or my ability to tolerate pain, or anal training, or being at this weight, or playing in public, or giving up the foods I love, or any of the other million little things I do because of Him.

I am extraordinarily fortunate to have this man, my Master, my One, in my life.

30 days of submission #14

14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

My submission has absolutely nothing to do with religion. I do understand there are those who take the “Wives submit to your husbands” as a literal direction and, therefore, find their submission that way. I am not among that group.

As for whether that brand of submission is alike or different from any other brand … not really. Anyone within the BDSM dynamic does what works for them. This includes “Don’t even think of telling me what to do unless we’re in the bedroom gettin’ freaky”  all the way through “You make all of my decisions with no input from me.”

I believe that is the beauty of this life. We are all different. What it is that we do has as many variations as there are people to do them. No two dynamics are exactly the same. There are those, myself among them, that struggle with the exterior view point, wanting to do everything “right”. I have gotten better with recognizing that the only “right” is what  works in Our dynamic. Admittedly, I do still feel concern when encountering a “One True Way” believer. I am working on being accepting of who I am even when among those who think I’m doing it wrong.

30 Days of Submission #13

13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

Given that my 24/7 involves many complicating factors (poly and LDR among them) the answer to this is not a simple one.

I suppose the most straight forward answer is “no”. When I am not specifically engaged in “family time” then my phone is on and I am available should I be needed. I have primary obligations that were present before We met and, still come first, now that We have each other. That is reality.

I am His. Period. Yes, Master allows me to express my opinion on activities. He is compassionate, loving and understanding. I am His property. If He wishes to play with me, in any manner, then it is His choice. I hear all of the nay-sayers screaming “What about your hard limits!?” The vast majority of the time We play within negotiated limits. Long-time readers know We do have Trial Days when the dynamics are different. I am speaking in generalities here.

Again, I belong to Him. I do not only mean this in the sappy romantic “We belong together” sort of way. Yes, that and not only that. He owns me in the same way an item is owned. To be cared for, cherished, used – or not – as He desires. My purpose is to bring Him joy. I am His beloved toy. Master trusts me to bring Him happiness and I trust Him not to break His toy.

My availability to Master is one of the many ways I serve Him. It is not now, nor has it ever been, all about the sex. It is all about service.

30 Days of Submission #12

12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

We do not include financial submission as part of Our dynamic. It simply isn’t practical for Our situation nor is it necessary.

I can see how financial submission could be an effective tool in a D/s relationship if it worked for both parties involved. It is my understanding that there are some situations where this IS the relationship. This and nothing else. That I cannot imagine.