We

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Have you ever been alone in a relationship? Have you ever been alone while in bed with your spouse?

Until recently, in the historic perspective of my life, I was alone. I heard the word “we” often. We better get to work. We have to do something about his behavior. We need to pick up more detergent.

In all of these cases, and many more, the We really meant you – You better get to work because the team is going to miss the due date and it’ll be blamed on you. You have to come up with and implement a strategy that will get the little man back on track. You need to remember to pick up detergent at the market.

Then my Boy came into my life. He has said we from the very beginning. I’m sure of it, though I did not hear it until very recently. He and I were talking about one of my persistently fluctuating health issues. He said, and I will never forget this, which is saying something if you know anything about my memory, he said “We still don’t know what it is.”

He meant that we. He meant it as it is defined in the OED. He meant the two of us. He meant we will do this together, no matter what it takes. He meant I am by your side. He meant we are partners, facing whatever life brings.

I still hear the echos of that we. The we that was so very different from any we before. I hear it when I lay in the dark. I hear it when I obsess about all the things in life that are beyond my control. I heard it today when the little man asked how I was and I told him honestly. He replied “Maybe you should go to the doctor.” I thought, There’s that you, again. Then I heard we and was reminded of all the promise held by those two letters.

Fitness Journal: Day 25

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Prompt:  What is a type of workout that you never expected to enjoy but now love?

I thoroughly enjoy beating people (consensually). I find it extremely amusing when a bottom says to me “Ma’am, are you sweating?” or the ever popular “You’re breathing hard. Are you okay?” I’ve had both of these things said to me by different boys after an hour of non-stop impact play.

You’re damn right I’m sweating. I’m in head-to-toe fetish attire and I’ve been doing aerobics for an hour, in heels! Put all of your clothes back on and come on this side of the paddle. See if you don’t sweat. I dare ya.

Fitness Journal: Day 21

 

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This is NOT me but my dungeon wardrobe is very similar.

Prompt: What is your favorite outfit? Why is it your favorite? Post a picture of you in it!

Anything I wear to the dungeon. Basically my fetish-wear. Why? Because everything else in my closet is at least 10 years old and qualifies for the soccer mom club uniform. These days when I get money I can spend on myself, it goes to leather craft or dungeon clothes. I’m not about to pour money into soccer mom when no one cares what she looks like. Soccer mom is invisible. Fetish me is most definitely not.

There will be no pics posted of me because, anonymity and digital permanence.

On Brats and Bratiness

Recently there was a post on fet, written by a 40 year old male Dom, the topic of which was bratty submissives. For those who do not have fet accounts I’ll nutshell it for you: The OP does not want “blind obedience” and therefore he finds brats exciting. He goes on to say that they should brat with commitment, like it matters.

I’m going on record here: Brats piss me off. When I was a dedicated submissive I did not practice blind obedience AND I was not a brat. Shockingly, (#sarcasm) those are not the only two options. I was required to question my Master. I was required to respectfully speak my mind. See that word “respectfully”? That’s my issue with bratiness. It smacks of lack of respect.

I worked incredibly hard to always be respectful, to always obey, to always honor my commands, to complete tasks correctly and in a timely fashion. For outsiders, I appeared to be a model submissive who carried herself with grace and confidence. In my mind and, within the intimacy of my dynamic, I did not always succeed. In fact, if I’m being honest, despite my best efforts, for a whole bunch of reasons, I wasn’t a very good submissive. Though it was certainly not for lack of trying.

In my current dynamics, I expect my submissive/bottom to be respectful in all things. They consent to be submissive. I am not forcing them to do as I say. They have consented to relinquish their power to me. This is true for both a one hour scene or a long-term power exchange. I am not going to battle for obedience. By agreeing to be my submissive, regardless of duration, the individual has agreed to obey me.

Let’s face it, realistically, most of my bottoms outweigh me by at least 100 pounds. If they do not wish to obey me there is very little I can do to make them. I can punish them for disobedience, sure. Again, they have to allow it. I cannot physically force them to be still and take it. It’s just not possible.

My only true recourse is to revoke my domination. I am in charge. I will listen to your input with the same intent you afford me. I may not always change my directive. Obey me or I will not play with you. Period.

“May I” Those two words prefacing any statement, concept, idea, question, immediately make clear that the one saying them understands they have something to say and they must ask permission to say it, in a respectful manner.

I don’t want anyone doing something I ask blindly. It is entirely possible there is a valid reason why they should not be doing it. Any submissive/bottom in my care is welcome to speak up. My only requirement is that they do it with respect.

Who knew?

While looking around in the interwebz for info on the customary amount to tip one’s piercer, I came across a nifty article on piercing etiquette. I should not be surprised that there is such a thing given the popularity of body modification but I was. Most of these things are common sense, assuming of course that the individual was raised with manners and has continued to practice them into adulthood. I did find the amount of text dedicated to abstaining from cell phone use to be rather distressing. Seriously, yikes. That being said, I found it informative and thought I would share.

I found this bit particularly helpful:

Do you realize the piercing area is essentially an operating room (my description)? Therefore you should not just put your germy items from the unclean world on any flat surface. Ask where they should be placed. This makes perfect sense and I would not have thought of it.