I did not manage to get to sleep until sometime after 4:30 this morning. I was too amped up from the event and jittery from talking about play possibilities with You. All those ideas planted in my head, swirling around, creating mental scenes both delicious and horrifying.

When I did get to sleep, the scenes continued. You and I played in my dreamland the rest of the morning. We played hard and You pushed me nearly to breaking. When You saw that I couldn’t take anymore without shattering, You laid me on the bed, held me, and told me over and over that I had done well and how You were proud to own me. Then in the next dream it would start all over again.

When I woke, I was aroused at a level I have not been for a very long time. I don’t know where I found the control to not touch myself. I waited, hands on my head, to get out of bed until I could think about something, anything, other than what We had been doing in my dreams. Even then, snippets visited me during the day.

For the record: Pussy may be confused about the breath play hood. I am not. I’m terrified of that damn thing. I am extremely aroused by the ultimate control that it presents. I do not find having to fight for breath for long periods of time arousing. At all. I am Your fucktoy. I endure because it brings You joy.

Today I am grateful for: a couple of headache-free hours
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: waking without You after amazingly realistic dream romping
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 24″ am, 24″ pm
Hood: n/a

Wardrobe malfunction

I had a dream last night that we were all back at camp. It was early morning. Your mate and I were both laying awake in bed. We communicated silently, over Your sleeping form, with a look that said He’s out cold. Let’s get up and figure out what to do.

We both got up and went into the central closet. Your mate suggested that since we had time to kill, we should go to church. I had no desire to go to church but my need to see Your mate happy and at ease outweighed what I wanted. I told her I thought I had nothing to wear but I would see what I could come up with.

I went through my things and discovered the only clothes I had were all from the 80s. Though they were in good condition, every single garment was polyester and had shoulder pads that would do a linebacker proud. I was in the closet a long time trying to figure out what to do. Your mate came looking for me and proclaimed my wardrobe “Tragic”. She decided she would rather go alone than be seen with Retro Eighties Girl.

So. Bizarre.

Today I am grateful for: distractions
Today’s funny moment:
Training: 20 minutes
Water: 4 liters
Corset: numbness still present, though significantly improved – will resume 060313M

Do You know …

… just how many buttons You pushed in the last half hour of Our conversation today. This thing You speak of is not something I allow myself to think about. You have spoken of many things that I have led me to think Well, it’s a lovely idea and everything … it’s also pure fantasy. There’s no way that will ever happen. So many of those things have become reality. I already have so much. I dare not allow myself to hope for more.

I have had the tiniest taste of what it could be like. I needed it before I had that taste. I thought I knew. I thought I understood. Now that I have experienced a modicum of what it might be like … and had to leave it behind, as if nothing had changed … I yearn for it. My wrists are too quiet, too light. My throat is naked.

I continue to marvel over (and I probably always will) how You saw this me. A me that no one else knew was there. I wonder what You still see that I have not yet imagined, let alone striven to become. Whatever it is, I want You to have it. I will continue to work at facilitating Your dreams. I will overcome the limitations I have. I will not let my limitations stand in the way of being all that You desire.

Today I am grateful for: Your voice
Today’s funny moment: “Jerry the Gerbil and the Bullies on the Bus. Read it. Not helpful.”
Training: 4 hours
Water: 4 liters
Corset: sneezing and tightlacing don’t mix

Smoke and mirrors

I dreamt of You last night. I slept fitfully and every time I woke, there You were. Some new tale of You, as fresh and real as if I might roll over to find You beside me.

There is one that is still so real that it could be a genuine memory. I’m kneeling between Your knees, naked except for collar, cuffs and leash, sitting back on my heels. I’m preparing and lighting a cigar for You. You are watching me with an expression that can only be described as beaming pride. Finished, I hand the cigar to You. You lean back in Your chair and smoke with a deeply contented sigh. I watch You and, after a moment or two, You lean forward cupping my chin in Your free hand, running Your thumb over my cheek. I avoid Your eyes. You wait, demanding my full attention. I give in and meet Your gaze. You whisper Outstanding, and kiss me gently, lingering, Your lips on mine, before sitting back to enjoy Your smoke. I scootch toward You a bit and rest my head on Your lap. You place a hand on my head and idly touch my hair while chatting with those present.

Today I am grateful for: life
Today’s funny moment:
Training: 30 minutes
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 25″ am, 24.5″ pm

Stress Induced Needs

This week plum wore me out. I don’t know what I would have done without You beside me to help me through it. Thank you. Especially for today.

I’ll be very happy to have a week of normalcy to get my head together before camp. I want to believe I will be sensible and rest. I want to believe my body will allow it. I want to believe it but I don’t. Insomnia has been reasserting itself and none of my usual tricks are bringing forth rest. When I do sleep, it is fitful and filled with odd dreams of failure induced stress.

I need You to be joyful. I need You to be proud I am Yours. I need the impossible. I need to be perfect.

Today I am grateful for: Time
Today’s funny moment: Dueling foreign accents from my two favorite men
Training: 3 hours (One hour with both, Two additional hours with the anal alone)
Water: 16 oz
Corset: 26.5″ am, 25″ pm