Grouchy pants

I started a thought provoking entry earlier today with the intent of finishing it this evening. I now find myself in a really pissy mood and I can’t shut my brain up enough to write anything meaningful. I will finish that other entry because it is worth exploring … just not tonight.

On an unrelated note, the new hood is mostly finished, save the rolled hem and grommeting. Multiple fittings made for significant wetness. I found it interesting that I wasn’t remotely aware of being aroused until I had cleared my work area for the day. Once the distraction was gone, my state of being became so obvious I don’t know how I missed it.

My grouchy pants and I are making cocoa and (hopefully) going to sleep.

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Today I am grateful for: being on the other side of the learning curve
Today’s funny moment: “He didn’t have a pony. If he had a pony I would have given him a ten.”
Sad moment: evolving plans
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 24″ am, 24″ pm
Hood: 1 hour

Denial

I follow a blog written by a male, who identifies as Thumper, kept in chastity by his wife. Yes, he has a PA piercing and no, there is no getting out of his device. A while back, Thumper posted a video of the device being installed. It’s serious biznezz, as the kids say. The entry that prompted this journal is this one.

In it Thumper talks about his level of hornyness and how this led to asking his wife, Belle, when he would be allowed to come again. Her response was, and I’m paraphrasing, “I won’t say never but it’s not in the foreseeable future.” And, get this, he’s ok with it.

I read that entry and sat with my mouth open for a very long time. With or without a physical device, I am essentially in chastity. I have not had an orgasm since camp three weeks ago and have not touched myself since You had me edge last week. Most of the time I’m not bothered, most of the time. If I steer clear of overt sexual stimuli, I’m so busy I don’t notice.

I have had days, however, that it was all I could do not to flat out beg You. Today was extremely bad. I considered writing to ask for permission. Multiple times I considered calling and begging. I’m seriously feeling it. I’m all for exertion of Ownership. It is incendiary. I can handle it if I have an idea of when the end will be. This? Not so much.

The light at the end of the tunnel (double entendre intended) has been turned off for now and it’s really screwing with my head. I’m gritting my teeth to contain my über-bitchiness because I recognize it should not be taken out on the boys. The lid is going to blow. It’s just a matter of time before someone says that wrong thing at the wrong time and I lose my shit all over them.

It is going to happen. It’s not going to be pretty. I don’t know how Thumper does it and I don’t ever want to find out.

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Today I am grateful for: shelter
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: getting distracted with leather thoughts and fucking up a piece beyond saving
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters 4 ounces
Corset: 24″ am, 24″ pm
Hood: 1 hour

Oh. My.

They came today. A full day earlier than expected.

I revisited Secretary. I spent the majority of the day finishing Your jodhpurs and was horny as hell. I really didn’t need any more of that type of stimulus. I don’t know what it is with me that when I’m feeling lusty and know that I should distract myself, I tend to feed into it instead. I did not have time to finish the film before family life intervened. This is probably for the best. There are only so many times a day a girl can change her sodden undergarments before it becomes weird. I was right on that line.

I saw much of myself in Lee. One thing did not jive, and would have triggered me if I hadn’t been so randy, Lee was salivating over marks caused by punitive action. This brought up for me the times I have had marks resulting from the same. As desirous as I am of having Your marks on my body from play, having punitive marks is the polar opposite. If I could scrub them off I would. If they are married with marks from play I avoid looking at all of them. They taint the happy memories that I usually associate with marks. They are flat out shameful. I do not understand how Lee could provoke more of this. Frankly, she pissed me off, but then, I don’t hold much truck with attention seeking brats to begin with.

All that aside, I’m glad I finished Your garment. It is carefully folded and sequestered in my closet. Safe from being pressed against my face and inhaled deeply … well … safer. I almost hope the tailoring isn’t correct so that I’ll get to keep them again. Almost. I’m quite pleased with how they turned out. It would be sad to have to tear them apart again, however, I’m nearly expecting that to happen since I did not have Your body to size them during my work.

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Today I am grateful for: fresh laundry
Today’s funny moment: Thinking “No good can come from watching this. Why am I torturing myself?” and needing to watch it anyway.
Sad moment: n/a
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters +12 ounces
Corset: 24.5 am, 24 pm
Hood: 1 hour

Befuddled

It’s been a very long time since I took something for pain that was not OTC. The medication works. I’m still uncomfortable but I’m not afraid to move. When I do move, I don’t feel as though I’m being poked with a dagger … always a plus.

Unfortunately, my brain isn’t working so well. I’m all kinds of fuzzy. I sat down with the protocol manual and attempted to make some headway there. It was an exercise in futility. It did not matter how many times I read each directive, I could not make sense of anything.

I set it aside and briefly entertained the idea that I would start cutting pieces for the run of pouches for The Event. Thankfully before I followed through on this thought process, I realized how foolhardy it would be and moved on to mindless chores instead.

Tomorrow, I have things that must be done, pain be damned. It should prove to be an interesting day.

I’ve been feeling odd things from You today. (Agitation? Stress? Frustration?) It’s unsettling. Something feels off. I hope You and Your mate are both well. I’m hoping that everything is being run through a medicinal filter and that’s why it feels weird.

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Today I am grateful for: Pharmaceuticals
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: n/a
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters & 12 ounces
Corset: 25″ am, 25″ pm
Hood: n/a

Zen

I spent most of the afternoon and evening working on a practice mask so that when I have your mate’s measurements I can get hers taken care of with little to no fuss. Because of this my mind is quiet. I have a bit of a creative zen thing happening.

I used to get this way when I would spend large blocks of time drawing. I have missed it. Thank you for indirectly bringing it back into my life. You are so very good for me.

Lest there should be any confusion, I adore you.

adore: to worship or honor as a deity or as divine (mm hmm), to regard with loving admiration and devotion (yup), to be very fond of (yes, that too)

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Today I am grateful for: quiet
Today’s funny moment: “With that mask you’re gonna look like Ra’s wife”
Sad moment: LM’s total disregard for cleanliness and order
Protocol: This evening I educated DH about protocol and dynamics not being something that are turned off like a switch.
Water: 4 liters 4 ounces
Corset: 23″ am, smallest cycle 22.25″, not worn pm