TMI Tuesday: Love, Work, and Money

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1. When did you last sing a love song? What song? Did you sing it to someone?
I sing everyday. I don’t think any of them have been love songs lately but, then again, I am often unaware that I am singing, much less what I’m singing.

2. How do you want to spend a special day with your lover?
Being in his presence is special enough. I often joke that sitting in a room just looking at him is all that matters.

3. What is the ideal number of calls/texts a couple should exchange in a day? Why did you say that?
This is dependent on whether they live together or not. If they co-habitate, once a day is plenty. It’s not as if they won’t see each other over dinner. If they are apart, at least once a day.

4. With regards to work, what do you enjoy doing (again, and again)?
Anything creative. While I enjoy design, I much prefer execution over design. It is the making of a thing that satisfies me.

5. Are you on track with your work career? Are you where you wanted to be with education, training, position?
Nope. Not on track at all. I left that environment to care for my child. My job as a full-time mother is almost at an end. I’m not sure what I’ll do when my time is my own, once again.

6. What do you want to avoid in your job/career?
Monotony.

7. Money–do you have enough?
There is no such thing as “enough money”.

8. On Valentine’s day do you normally buy your loved one a romantic gift or a practical, usable gift?
We stopped buying gifts for each other a long time ago. If time allows we often go out to dinner or a movie. Sometimes both, though that’s the exception.

9. Are you being paid fairly?
I had a good long laugh over this one. No. Mom’s don’t get paid. No, it’s not fair. That is the way it is. That’s the way it has always been. I expect that is the way it always will be.

10. What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?
As a matter of practice, I don’t give money away. I recently made an exception and donated $20 to a local club. That’s honestly the only time I can remember having done such a thing.

Bonus: What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?
Geez. There have been many significant changes over the course of my life as, I would expect, is the case for most who reach this age. The changes I’ve made over the past 4 years or so have certainly been monumental. I would have to say becoming a mother was the biggest and most permanent.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on the TMI blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

TMI Tuesday: Lust, and junk

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1. Why do you fall in love?
This is almost a post all by itself. Love is an extremely complex combination of things. Attraction, intelligence, the ability to make me laugh on my worst day, compassion, people skills (because I suck at peopling and I need someone to bridge the gap), knowing when to shut up and listen, conversely, knowing when to push back, asking questions and genuinely wanting to hear the answer, a love of music, creativity, enjoying being in their presence is a necessity

2. What makes you fall in lust?
I don’t know that I do. I can find someone attractive and not want to fuck them. The desire to be intimate comes from all of the stuff in the first question. Far too often a person can be extremely attractive on the outside but horrifically hideous on the inside. Having encountered more than my share of the ugly ones, I tend to be cautious. I need to know who they really are before my juices get flowing. Is it still lust if I also love them?

3. If you are in a monogamous sexual relationship and your significant other has sex outside of your relationship, will you forgive them?
It’s remarkable that, at my age, this has never happened to me … that I’m aware of. Not long ago I would have replied, no absolutely not. Since I’ve become poly, I no longer place the same amount of importance on sex. Sex is an act that can be perpetrated by strangers and, genuinely, can mean nothing more than masturbation. Being in love … that’s a whole other ball game.

4. What do you idolize?
Not a “what” but a “who”. Dita Von Teese. The woman is fabulous and amazing. She oozes class. She is my waist training idol.

5. Where are your erogenous zones?
With the right person, it’s my entire body, including my mind. Except my ears. Stay the fuck away from my ears. I mean it. I will cut you.

Bonus: What is the strangest or most unique thing you’ve tied someone up with or been tied up with? Why were you tied up?
Uhm … yeah … I’m a lifestyler. I cannot begin to recall all of the things with which I have been bound. “Why was I tied up???” Why weren’t you?

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the TMI blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

We

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room? Have you ever been alone in a relationship? Have you ever been alone while in bed with your spouse?

Until recently, in the historic perspective of my life, I was alone. I heard the word “we” often. We better get to work. We have to do something about his behavior. We need to pick up more detergent.

In all of these cases, and many more, the We really meant you – You better get to work because the team is going to miss the due date and it’ll be blamed on you. You have to come up with and implement a strategy that will get the little man back on track. You need to remember to pick up detergent at the market.

Then my Boy came into my life. He has said we from the very beginning. I’m sure of it, though I did not hear it until very recently. He and I were talking about one of my persistently fluctuating health issues. He said, and I will never forget this, which is saying something if you know anything about my memory, he said “We still don’t know what it is.”

He meant that we. He meant it as it is defined in the OED. He meant the two of us. He meant we will do this together, no matter what it takes. He meant I am by your side. He meant we are partners, facing whatever life brings.

I still hear the echos of that we. The we that was so very different from any we before. I hear it when I lay in the dark. I hear it when I obsess about all the things in life that are beyond my control. I heard it today when the little man asked how I was and I told him honestly. He replied “Maybe you should go to the doctor.” I thought, There’s that you, again. Then I heard we and was reminded of all the promise held by those two letters.

Empathy

Today, I read this brilliant post on fet by @TheFerrett. (For those without fet accounts, find it here, if you’re interested.) He talks about love languages and how acting from a place of your partner’s love language instead of your own can, at first, feel awkward.

I am one who practices empathy on a regular basis – sometimes voluntarily, often not and it seems the involuntary empathy is always from other’s pain. I want everyone to be happy. If happiness isn’t possible, I want the people I love to know I stand by their side.

If my partner needs to explore the world of, oh I don’t know, green grapes, let’s say. I think green grapes are an absurd, ridiculous waste of time, energy, and money, because hey, what did green grapes ever teach me and you’re only going to flush them down the toilet (metaphorically) in a few hours anyway. Being a loving partner, I not only support their eating of green grapes but I seek out new varieties. I send them hyperlinks to Green Grape Enthusiast blogs. I make the attempt to understand the basics.

This is what it is to be an active partner. I do not force my views of green grapes on my partner. This won’t change how they feel about grapes. All it will do is make me look like a selfish clod who has a closed mind. If I tell them how stupid grapes are every time they talk about it, they won’t share that part of themselves with me anymore. My partner won’t stop loving, eating, trying, reading about grapes. They will do it when I’m not around.

This is how walls are built. This is how relationships fail. I guess what I am saying is, I get it. I get what @TheFerrett is talking about: Practice empathy. Be there for your partners, not in the way you want to be or in the way that is comfortable for you. Be there in the way they need you to be.