Be polite

Well TMI kind of left me out of the loop this week. I’m all for fun and games and sharing and I practice a hefty amount of discretion. I’ve committed to writing (at least) a post a week so I’m going to present one that’s been kicking around my brain for a month or so now …

I am high protocol. This presents some challenges for me at the dungeon I frequent. The vibe at the club is easy going, welcoming, and extremely friendly. This means there is a whole lot of casual touch. Everyone hugs everyone. There are couches in several locations and by the end of the night most are filled with people all of whom are in physical contact of one type or another. This could mean sitting hip-to-hip or literally laying on top of each other sucking face and rubbing naughty bits. Many of the regulars do mix-and-match play. Just about any regular might be playing with any other regular at any given time.  Like TMI Tuesday, much of the conversation revolves around sex. Things people have done, are doing, would like to do, their latest orgasm etc.

See all of that stuff I just talked about? I don’t do most of it. High protocol is about discretion, etiquette, respect, honor, and service. (It’s about other things too but we’ll stick with those that are most applicable for this entry.) I’ve been a regular at the dungeon for about a year and a half now. I’m well liked, people look forward to seeing me and that’s about it. Generally speaking people don’t know what to do with me.

Word got around about me pretty quickly. I actually heard someone say “She is not to be touched.” I offended several by not accepting their hugs. On more than one occasion, when the individual thought if I didn’t see it coming that I would have to hug them, things were awkward for both of us. It doesn’t matter how politely or gently I say no. It’s still no and people take it personally.

So what to do then with a high protocol girl? Be polite. Don’t know what that looks like? Let me help you out:
  • If you feel moved to hug me, ask permission. A simple “May I hug you?” will eliminate the awkwardness for both of us and it will bump up my respect for you because you’ve asked. The answer will probably still be no but keep asking if you like. That’s perfectly ok. Someday when I feel I know you well, I may say yes.
  • If you want to talk to me, come and sit down, we’ll have a chat. I will talk to you all about the best sex you’ve had and the wonderful orgasm you had from the flogging you got tonight, if that’s what you want to talk about. I will not share any of the same information with you. I will speak to you in generalities and ask all sorts of questions about you. You will leave the conversation feeling as though you talked with someone who actually listened to you instead a person who was waiting for their turn to talk.
  • If you’ve heard the rumors that I’m “not to be touched” and can’t figure out what that’s about because I don’t seem high and mighty, holier than thou, or plain ol’ stuck up, ask me about protocol. I’m an open book when it comes to teaching. I would much rather be asked than treated like a social pariah.
  • About those couches: If you offer me a seat on a the couch next to you, and the couch is already well beyond its intended capacity, I will say no. I don’t think you have cooties. I may genuinely enjoy your company. I have to weigh whether you are offering me somewhere to rest because you suspect these fetish shoes are killing my feet or if you are inviting me to your cuddle fest. If there is even the mere suggestion of a cuddle fest I will beg off to avoid offending you when someone attempts to cuddle with me and I have to say no.

    If you wish to sit next to me, go for it. I would prefer you ask because that’s the polite thing to do but if you simply plop down I won’t be offended. That being said, if the couch is at capacity and you squeeze into a space not large enough for a toddler, I will sit politely for a few moments, because I don’t wish to embarrass you by pointing out your impropriety, then I will excuse myself. Again, I don’t think you have cooties and, no, it’s not because you smell. It’s not proper for me to sit physically touching an individual when the only thing I know about them is their name … and maybe not even that.
  • If you offer to give me a tour of your toy bag I will, in all likelihood, if you aren’t an asshat, accept. I fully enjoy these tours, especially if you have unconventional items in your bag. I will not however allow you to demonstrate your toys on my person. You will not touch me, even if it is to point out where a toy might be used on my body. Your toys will not touch me. I will not touch your toys. If I decline to touch your toys once, the answer is not going to change. Please, take the hint and continue your show and tell. We will have a jolly old time chatting about the delightful scenes you’ve created. We will talk about the marks your toys leave. We will probably talk about your style of play and what you enjoy doing to the people you play with. So, please do make the offer of a tour. It’ll be fun.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t do it (whatever it is) with/to someone you barely know outside of the dungeon, don’t ask it of me inside the dungeon. I would really rather not make things awkward, or cause you to feel embarrassment due to your impropriety, but I will if you force my hand. My protocol and service to my One take precedence over your feelings. Making you feel bad also makes me feel bad. Please, spare us both. Be polite.


/rant on

This is a very nice plug for a play space. Buried in the post is this bit of tripe:

Protocol often involves more than just the D and the s; many subs have rules when it comes to speaking or interacting with those outside of their relationship… I take zero issue with this, in part because I have never seen it forced on bystanders. For the most part, people are understanding if someone doesn’t feel comfortable recognizing the roleplay of others. And it is roleplay, no matter how immersive.

and she goes on to a CYA comment

That doesn’t give it any less validity. It’s what they’re here for. That’s where their happy place is. I can comprehend that in a very powerful and vicarious way.

Excuse me?!?!? Protocol is role play? Uhm … no … just no. I desperately wanted to tell this bit of a girl exactly what I thought of her statements. The unmitigated gall of this girl!

Is how one behaves during church services role play? How about the classroom? At a funeral? No, no, and NO! Of course not and no one would say that it is.

Protocol: a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations. Hmmm let me re-read that …. nope nothing about role playing there. Nothing at all. Why is that? Because it’s not role play!

Man, she seriously pissed me off. The thing is, she made the statement out of blind ignorance. I don’t believe she intended to offend anyone. I have to believe it was ignorance. The ignorance of a very young girl speaking without thought of consequence. Seems to me that she could benefit from some protocol of her own.

/rant off


30 Days of Submission #17

17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission? 

Trust. A tiny word with mammoth meaning and impact.

In the context of my submission, I must trust my Master implicitly. When We play, I am trusting that He will know how much is enough. I trust that He has Our best interests in His heart. I trust that when He is pushing far beyond what We have ever done, that He knows what I am capable of, what We are capable of together. I trust that He will care for me mentally and physically – before, during and after.

In some forms of Our play I am, quite literally, completely incapacitated for multiple hours. My life is in His hands until He gives it back to me. It is impossible to explain the depth of emotion – the strength of bond – that comes with this level of play. While I belong to Him always, in these particular play sessions, I am His utterly, to do with as He pleases. My trust in Him is perfect. I know with certainty that no harm will come to me. He will not allow it.

Additionally, I recognize that He has bestowed His trust on me. He has to trust that I will follow through with all of my training. That I will maintain my written journal and all other tasks. That as His property, I represent Him, conducting myself as if He were standing beside me always. That before and during play I will communicate in all of the ways We have established – even if that means scrapping an entire play session, even if the play was to be a multi-day session. The trust He has in me is equally as important as my trust in Him.

Outside of play I seek His council. I trust His wisdom. Acting on His advice has changed several aspects of my life for the better and will doubtless continue to do so. My life is enriched for being His.

Today I am grateful for: patience
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: LM’s shenanigans
Protocol: I had no idea there were several levels of protocol associated with the military and the national anthem.
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 24″ am, 23.5″ pm
Hood: 3 hours


I’ve been thinking about orgasm control. Forced orgasm. Denied orgasm. Now this new idea, prescribed orgasm. When You first asked the “what ifs” I thought You were returning my orgasms, making them mine again. I thought perhaps You had one too many things to deal with and, as such, You were giving this back.

The inner conflict I felt is difficult to explain. I do not enjoy that I am not allowed to orgasm whenever I wish. The pleasure I get from knowing the control is Yours far out weighs the frustration from waiting. When You brought up changing this part of Our dynamic, I simultaneously thought Oooo! I can orgasm whenever I want! and They don’t belong to me and I don’t want them back.

That latter phrase was a bit surprising, I don’t mind telling You. I previously thought I was enduring this control. I am owned, it feeds You. That is reason enough. Somewhere along the way orgasm control has become a part of me, something I need. I don’t understand this need. I didn’t know it existed. The concept is going to take some processing.

As We continued to explore the topic, and I understood that You would maintain control, the idea of a prescribed orgasm was easier to accept. I came to understand that it would be regimented, that though You would not necessarily be present, any orgasm would still be Yours. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Since Our conversation, the idea has been rattling around in my head. Would scheduling the orgasm change the experience? Would I still be capable of orgasm in Your absence? Would there be days when I simply didn’t feel like it? After a time, would I come to look at it as something I had to do? How would that change my ability to orgasm, if at all? What would the rules be? Would I be allowed visual stimulation or would I have to dream it all up in my head? Would the act become ritualized?

Whether You issue this command or not, I’ve found it interesting food for thought. Without Our discussion I would not have discovered a need I didn’t know I had. Thank you for consistently nourishing my brain.

Today I am grateful for: Alcohol
Today’s funny moment: Trash talk during darts
Sad moment: n/a
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters
Corset: n/a
Hood: n/a


I follow a blog written by a male, who identifies as Thumper, kept in chastity by his wife. Yes, he has a PA piercing and no, there is no getting out of his device. A while back, Thumper posted a video of the device being installed. It’s serious biznezz, as the kids say. The entry that prompted this journal is this one.

In it Thumper talks about his level of hornyness and how this led to asking his wife, Belle, when he would be allowed to come again. Her response was, and I’m paraphrasing, “I won’t say never but it’s not in the foreseeable future.” And, get this, he’s ok with it.

I read that entry and sat with my mouth open for a very long time. With or without a physical device, I am essentially in chastity. I have not had an orgasm since camp three weeks ago and have not touched myself since You had me edge last week. Most of the time I’m not bothered, most of the time. If I steer clear of overt sexual stimuli, I’m so busy I don’t notice.

I have had days, however, that it was all I could do not to flat out beg You. Today was extremely bad. I considered writing to ask for permission. Multiple times I considered calling and begging. I’m seriously feeling it. I’m all for exertion of Ownership. It is incendiary. I can handle it if I have an idea of when the end will be. This? Not so much.

The light at the end of the tunnel (double entendre intended) has been turned off for now and it’s really screwing with my head. I’m gritting my teeth to contain my über-bitchiness because I recognize it should not be taken out on the boys. The lid is going to blow. It’s just a matter of time before someone says that wrong thing at the wrong time and I lose my shit all over them.

It is going to happen. It’s not going to be pretty. I don’t know how Thumper does it and I don’t ever want to find out.

Today I am grateful for: shelter
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: getting distracted with leather thoughts and fucking up a piece beyond saving
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters 4 ounces
Corset: 24″ am, 24″ pm
Hood: 1 hour