/rant on


This is a very nice plug for a play space. Buried in the post is this bit of tripe:

Protocol often involves more than just the D and the s; many subs have rules when it comes to speaking or interacting with those outside of their relationship… I take zero issue with this, in part because I have never seen it forced on bystanders. For the most part, people are understanding if someone doesn’t feel comfortable recognizing the roleplay of others. And it is roleplay, no matter how immersive.

and she goes on to a CYA comment

That doesn’t give it any less validity. It’s what they’re here for. That’s where their happy place is. I can comprehend that in a very powerful and vicarious way.

Excuse me?!?!? Protocol is role play? Uhm … no … just no. I desperately wanted to tell this bit of a girl exactly what I thought of her statements. The unmitigated gall of this girl!

Is how one behaves during church services role play? How about the classroom? At a funeral? No, no, and NO! Of course not and no one would say that it is.

Protocol: a system of rules that explain the correct conduct and procedures to be followed in formal situations. Hmmm let me re-read that …. nope nothing about role playing there. Nothing at all. Why is that? Because it’s not role play!

Man, she seriously pissed me off. The thing is, she made the statement out of blind ignorance. I don’t believe she intended to offend anyone. I have to believe it was ignorance. The ignorance of a very young girl speaking without thought of consequence. Seems to me that she could benefit from some protocol of her own.

/rant off



I’ve been thinking about the amazing balance of Our last playtime. I don’t know how You managed it. I don’t recall You having done it in quite that way before. I felt that I was a human see-saw. One side pain, the other side pleasure. Flog flog flog until the pain side very nearly hit ground and then pleasure pleasure pleasure until that nearly outbalanced the pain … back and forth and up and down We went.

What’s funny about this is my internal dialogue. I have somehow gotten it into my head that when I figure out what You’re doing, that I can prevent my body from reacting and, in this case, flipping to the other side of the see-saw. You know me so well, and are so damned persistent, that even if I can manage to alter my reaction for a minute or two You consistently find a way to push me out of my head back into solid sensation.

I love that there is nothing I can do to control Our play. Even when I think I have it figured out, You are still the one doing the driving. In hindsight, I am amused that I continue to try, as if it would ever change … as if We would ever want it to.

Today I am grateful for: productivity
Today’s funny moment: That’s no way to create the next generation. Humans coming out of other humans. It’s like some sort of dirty magic show.
Sad moment: Liar liar pants on fire
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 24.5 am, 24 pm
Hood: 1 hour

30 Days of Submission #17

17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission? 

Trust. A tiny word with mammoth meaning and impact.

In the context of my submission, I must trust my Master implicitly. When We play, I am trusting that He will know how much is enough. I trust that He has Our best interests in His heart. I trust that when He is pushing far beyond what We have ever done, that He knows what I am capable of, what We are capable of together. I trust that He will care for me mentally and physically – before, during and after.

In some forms of Our play I am, quite literally, completely incapacitated for multiple hours. My life is in His hands until He gives it back to me. It is impossible to explain the depth of emotion – the strength of bond – that comes with this level of play. While I belong to Him always, in these particular play sessions, I am His utterly, to do with as He pleases. My trust in Him is perfect. I know with certainty that no harm will come to me. He will not allow it.

Additionally, I recognize that He has bestowed His trust on me. He has to trust that I will follow through with all of my training. That I will maintain my written journal and all other tasks. That as His property, I represent Him, conducting myself as if He were standing beside me always. That before and during play I will communicate in all of the ways We have established – even if that means scrapping an entire play session, even if the play was to be a multi-day session. The trust He has in me is equally as important as my trust in Him.

Outside of play I seek His council. I trust His wisdom. Acting on His advice has changed several aspects of my life for the better and will doubtless continue to do so. My life is enriched for being His.

Today I am grateful for: patience
Today’s funny moment: n/a
Sad moment: LM’s shenanigans
Protocol: I had no idea there were several levels of protocol associated with the military and the national anthem.
Water: 4 liters
Corset: 24″ am, 23.5″ pm
Hood: 3 hours


I’ve been thinking about orgasm control. Forced orgasm. Denied orgasm. Now this new idea, prescribed orgasm. When You first asked the “what ifs” I thought You were returning my orgasms, making them mine again. I thought perhaps You had one too many things to deal with and, as such, You were giving this back.

The inner conflict I felt is difficult to explain. I do not enjoy that I am not allowed to orgasm whenever I wish. The pleasure I get from knowing the control is Yours far out weighs the frustration from waiting. When You brought up changing this part of Our dynamic, I simultaneously thought Oooo! I can orgasm whenever I want! and They don’t belong to me and I don’t want them back.

That latter phrase was a bit surprising, I don’t mind telling You. I previously thought I was enduring this control. I am owned, it feeds You. That is reason enough. Somewhere along the way orgasm control has become a part of me, something I need. I don’t understand this need. I didn’t know it existed. The concept is going to take some processing.

As We continued to explore the topic, and I understood that You would maintain control, the idea of a prescribed orgasm was easier to accept. I came to understand that it would be regimented, that though You would not necessarily be present, any orgasm would still be Yours. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Since Our conversation, the idea has been rattling around in my head. Would scheduling the orgasm change the experience? Would I still be capable of orgasm in Your absence? Would there be days when I simply didn’t feel like it? After a time, would I come to look at it as something I had to do? How would that change my ability to orgasm, if at all? What would the rules be? Would I be allowed visual stimulation or would I have to dream it all up in my head? Would the act become ritualized?

Whether You issue this command or not, I’ve found it interesting food for thought. Without Our discussion I would not have discovered a need I didn’t know I had. Thank you for consistently nourishing my brain.

Today I am grateful for: Alcohol
Today’s funny moment: Trash talk during darts
Sad moment: n/a
Protocol: n/a
Water: 4 liters
Corset: n/a
Hood: n/a

Shock and Appreciation

I am grateful to have You in my life. It is important that You know that. You said to me once before we met that when You touched me it would change my life. That I would never be the same. I remember my skepticism before, my near instant arousal during, and my shock after. I remember chuckling to myself and shaking my head over how prophetic You had been. I remember driving aimlessly, my brain so clouded with lust that I couldn’t find the entrance to the highway.

Here We are, going on two years later. I still have frequent moments with You that stun me just as effectively as that very first time. You show me something new about myself, about who We are together, every time We experience each other.

Today, talking about scenarios for Our next meet … quite possibly the hottest words ever spoken: I need you to crawl around for me. When You said that to me, I had one of those stunned moments. I knew I enjoyed that part of Our play. I did not know the level until I heard those words today.

As Our conversation continued, You knew exactly what buttons to push to whip me into a hyper-aroused state in barely any time at all. I adore how easy it is for You … that You don’t even have to touch me to get me there.

All of the vanilla things You do for me – the travel, the new foods, the walks around unfamiliar cities – all of those things are wonderful. I know I would not have them in my life without You. They are the icing on the cake that is Our chemistry … the way We effortlessly fit. I am extremely lucky. I know this. I offer gratitude in my ritual at the start of every day.

Today I am grateful for: You
Today’s funny moment: Trixie doing laps
Sad moment: technology trouble
Protocol: n/a
Water: 5 liters
Corset: 24″ am, 23.5″
Hood: 90 minutes