On belonging

To belong:

1a. to be suitable, appropriate, or advantageous <a dictionarybelongs in every home>
1b. to be in a proper situation <a man of his ability belongs in teaching>

2a. to be the property of a person or thing —used with to <the book belongs to me>
2b. to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency —usually used with to <they belong to their homeland>
2c. to be a member of a club, organization, or set —usually used with to <she belongs to a country club>

3a. to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or thing <nuts and bolts belong to a car>

You say to me often that I belong to You. I agree readily and without thought. This is a fact. I have known that I am Yours nearly from the first. I am lucky to be Yours. I am Your property and will be for as long as my heart pushes blood through my body, whispering Your name with each percussive beat.

This past weekend. I don’t have a memory of most of it. The things I do remember have been replaying in my mind. I hear most often, the story related by Your mate, of her hearing my cries as You played with me and her statement that she believed the sound to be “One of ours.” This statement has stayed with me.

I was rolling it over in my thoughts, again, today. I don’t understand the impact it has made on me. I considered that perhaps there has been a void of belonging in my life. I don’t believe there has been. I’ve never felt the need to be a member of multiple clubs. So why then? Why does this particular inclusion matter?

This statement spoken by Your mate feels just as important, if not more so, as someone outside of Our group calling me “Your girl”. Is it that then – one more person acknowledging who I’ve become? If that is the case then why does the acknowledgment carry weight? I am Yours. You have said it. I agree. I know who I belong to. My pussy is very clear on the subject. Why does what anyone else has to say make a difference?

I don’t know. Thus far no amount of pondering has conjured an epiphany. I know only that the statement “One of ours” has me misty-eyed nearly every time I think of it. The why of it does not matter as much as the belonging. I am where I belong, with people who see and accept the genuine me. That is what carries weight. That is what matters. That is worth getting misty-eyed over.

Today I am grateful for: The distraction of television
Today’s funny moment: Greeting the UPS man plugged and wondering if I could take the package from him without said plug shooting down the leg of my yoga pants.
Training: 1 hour
Water: 16 oz
Corset: 26″ am, 25″ pm

Sweet Surrender


I yoinked this topic from thegirlpashn because I have a different take on it. It got me thinking and here we are.

Do you see a difference between submission and surrender? 

Let’s start with the formal definitions:
Submission –  1. a. The act of submitting to the power of another.
b. The state of having submitted.
2. The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Surrendera : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand <surrendered the fort>
b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

Alright, so, looking at these two definitions we can see parallels. It could be argued that they are, in fact, synonyms. I would argue that I can submit without surrendering.

When I submit, I still have some control in the form of safe words. I’m going to go out on a limb, though I have no data to back it up, and say this is how most D/s dynamics work. The D-type has the illusion of control and the s-type can put a halt to anything they can’t handle by safe wording. My Master and I often play with this dynamic in place.

I have also offered myself in surrender. My Master and I have the occasional day where We push each other to grow and to strengthen Our bond. On these days I do not have safe words.***

When I walk into Our play space on these days, I entrust my life to my Master completely. I surrender everything I am to Him, including all control, absolutely. I trust that He will not harm me. I trust that He will push hard and know when I’ve had just the other side of enough. I trust He will not set me up to fail. I trust that when I am spent and have nothing left to give, that He will care for me as the treasured possession I am.

***DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. I would strongly advise against play of this form. It works for my Master and I. We are the exception. We have more than 1000 hours of communication logged, as well as several play sessions of nothing but tolerance bench marks. Additionally, my Master has roughly 30 years of experience. Seriously, don’t do it.

Today I am grateful for: You
Today’s funny moment: Finally hearing back from the munch guy “Is this the only way to meet you? What goes on at these things?”
Training: 2 hours
Water: 16 oz
Corset: am, 26.5″ – pm 25″

30 Days of Submission #9 & #10

9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
<sigh> These are becoming repetitive. This has been answered here.

10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
To answer this without first explaining the definition of BDSM (for the uninitiated) would be pointless. Here’s a handy-dandy graphic with an at-a-glance explanation.

Definition of BDSM - graphic

Now, on to the question … All of the above is incorporated into my relationship, though not in equal parts. As a slave, the depth of my relationship with my Master is different than the typical D/s dynamic. At the core of the M/s dynamic is the spiritual connection between a Master and His slave. All else is secondary.

How I feel about BDSM is difficult to define. It is such an integral part of my life that I don’t know how to separate it from self. Asking me how I feel about it is like asking how I feel about who I am.

I can say it this way, I suppose: Before my return to BDSM last year I was miserable. I had been for a very long time. When I came back, there was a sigh of relief … of “Oh, that’s right. This is who I am. Everything will be ok now.” Returning to who I am, at minimum, saved my marriage. I am immeasurably happier now.

I am incredibly fortunate to have found my Master. He has shown me so much. He uncovers parts of me that I did not know existed. He is stripping away the layers of my old life that I no longer need. I will occasionally hold onto a layer with both hands and play tug-of-war as if my life depended on it. Some things are difficult to let go of. When I do let go, and discover what has been hidden underneath, I will often shake my head at how well He sees me. I am a better person for having Him in my life.

Word of the Week Wednesday

im·pu·dic·i·ty (impyəˈdisətē), noun
1: lacking modesty or shame


MF impudicité, fr. L impudicus immodest, shameless (fr. in- 1in- + pudicus bashful, modest, chaste) + MF -ité -ity — more at pudic

This week’s WotWW brought to you by: dictionary.reference.com and http://www.merriam-webster.com

Word of the Week Wednesday

hen·tai  (‘hen-tahy)

1. noting or pertaining to a subgenre of Japanese manga, anime, computer games, etc., characterized by explicit sexual themes and imagery.

2. such themes, imagery, or works; hard porn.
3. a person who enjoys this; a sexual pervert.

1990–95;  < Japanese:  literally, perverted, a pervert

This week’s WotWW brought to you by: http://dictionary.reference.com